


Time Imemorial

by Strawberrita18



Category: Hellsing
Genre: Bonding, Coming of Age, Death, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Hellsing Organization, Rebirth, Slow Burn-ish, Tenderness, Vampires
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2019-10-27 01:39:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 19
Words: 30,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17757350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Strawberrita18/pseuds/Strawberrita18
Summary: Life, death, and rebirth, that is the life of a vampire.





	1. First Sight

I looked at him. The only sound that could be heard was my breathing, and the echo of bullet leaving the gun. My ears rang as I saw my uncle’s body, fallen, dead. I saw the life leave his eyes. And it hadn’t quite hit me yet that I had killed my own uncle. It hurt far more than it should have. But, I had a new family then, he was standing before me, guarding me, long after my uncle drew his last breath. 

“Lower your arm.” I request of him, rather than demand. He lowers his arm, slowly. He looked at me, with those fiery orange eyes. He didn’t have eyes like a regular vampire. At least from what I had seen in the pictures my father would show me during our lessons. 

“You’re injured.” He said, his voice was flat, but not uncaringly so. He gestured to my wounded arm. I had completely forgotten about it until he said something. It burned, it really burned, hot metal had seared my flesh. I swallowed and looked down at the blood soaked fabric. I grimaced and dropped the gun. 

“Give me space!” I shouted, but then slowly trailed off. The vampires eyes went wide, at my little outburst. He moved over, giving me a full view of my dead uncle, which made my stomach turn. He lifeless stared at me, and I felt myself become dizzy, the vampire named Alucard looked at me with curiosity. 

My vision became blurred, and I remember hitting the floor, then it was lights out. 

I woke up on my back, my head turned to the side, and my hands on my stomach. I tried to focus on my surroundings. I was still in the cell, and smell of my own blood filled my nostrils. Which made my stomach stir again. I felt the acid was stuck in my throat and I couldn’t stop it from coming out of my nose. I coughed and coughed, sitting up, my arm aching, and throbbing. 

“Owe!” I exclaim, holding my arm. The pain came in waves, washing, and rewashing over me. My whole arm felt useless and unmoving. My other arm tried to cradle and comfort, to no avail. I look around, clean, untouched. Like it was when I first discovered this place. No corpses, no vampire, I wondered where he had gone. But I saw moment out of the corner of my eye. I turned my head quickly, to see the same fiery eyes that had greeted me before. He sat, one leg up, and one elbow on his knee, his hand cupping his chin. He looks at me, expectantly. Like he was awaiting something. 

“Where did the bodies go?” I ask, still in pain. 

“I ate them.” He stated simply, unblinking. I gasped, taken back. I supposed that, that took care of any funeral expenses, not like I was going to plan a funeral for a trader such as them. 

“Oh.” I all I could muster. 

“It didn’t taste good.” He said to me, blankly. I blinked. Unsure of what to say, I was his master after all. Am I to look after his welfare? Make sure he is fed, make sure he is comfortable? I didn’t know what all mastership entailed for me. Was this vampire to be treated like a pet? 

“I’m sorry.” I said quickly. 

“Yours was much better.” He said, a slight grin on his lips. I felt myself become tense, his eyes stare at me, still waiting. 

“Well, i'm not going to feed you again.” 

He grin turned into a frown. “You are going to let me starve?” Poor thing, sounded horrified. My eyes went wide. 

“No no no no no no!” I said, holding my hands up. “Just that you can’t have my blood.” I try to smile, to ease him. That seemed to work. I see his grin return. 

“Then how will you feed me, my master?” He asked me, looking at my wound. I grabbed it tighter, it ached. 

“I’ll find a way.” I said, looking slightly askew from my pet. “I just have to tell Walter first.” 

That seemed to make my pet perk up. “Walter?” 

“Yes Walter, my butler, he’s-” I was cut off by a hardy laugh.

“Walter! How wonderful! I’m surprised he is still kicking, or has old age mellowed him?” He asked, his face pleasant. I felt my jaw drop, he knew Walter. I looked at him with confusion, how does he know him? 

Alucard read my expression. “I have known him seen he was fourteen, I fought alongside him during the second world war.” 

“You… he…” I cocked my head to the side, “What?” I shook my head. He laughed again. “Because he has,” I lifted up my unwounded arm and made a motion with my fingers. He looked at me with amusement, and nodded. I had remembered the first time I saw Walter’s abilities when I was a little girl. My eyes bright, and full wonderment. Of course, when I was a little girl, I didn’t know why he had them, but now I do. 

“I’m sure he will be overjoyed to hear of my release.” Alucard grinned. 

I tried to stand up, holding on to the stone wall next to me. It was cool, and dry.  
“Does he not like you?” I asked, then I shook my head. “No matter, I need medical attention.” I whimpered, holding onto my arm still. Alucard stands, ready to take me into his arms, but I was hesitate. I didn’t trust him yet. He could have easily crushed, drained, and left me for dead. But he held out his hand. I gave it a look of suspicion. 

 

“I can help you, my master.” He said, softly. Didn’t he already prove himself by saving my life? I swallowed hard, and extended my hand out, electrified, my hand tingled at his slightest touch. His hand was cold, yet still booming with life, it was so… strange.

“Woah.” I murmured, Vampires felt so strange, and at least this one did. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked me. 

“You feel so lively yet, so still and cold, it’s amazing.” I said, furrowing my brows together.  
He laughed, showing me his sharp, white teeth. Then, suddenly, I wasn't afraid anymore, maybe it was some sort of vampire trickery. I wasn’t sure. But when a vampire bares its fangs, the natural response is to run. But not me. I was never afraid of vampires. I was such a foolish girl.


	2. A Real Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Integra learns she has prove herself to everyone else.

I looked down at the floor. My feet together, it was almost my turn. Walter had said that I should take up fencing, and I stupidly agreed. I needed someway to defend myself, just in case. I would have loved it if was just Walter teaching me, but of course, that didn’t happen. I was surrounded by many boys. The boys of the Convention of Twelve. Sons, nephews and grandsons. I was the youngest, and the only girl. The boys would stare, and gawk. It didn’t bother me. But, to make matters worse, I hadn’t been knighted. I was still waiting, I had to wait until I was 21. Which irked me to my core. Until I was 21 I would be watched, and monitored. And if I was good enough, then I could be knighted. But I supposed asking for special treatment wouldn’t be fair within itself. But I couldn’t shake off the feeling that I would have to work harder because I was little girl. I was lesser in their eyes, because I was nothing more than a small, weak child. So I would have to prove myself somehow. 

We all stood, leaning against the wall, I was between two of Sir Islands nephews. They stood tall. I looked pathetic between them. I was a white padded uniform, with a small gold crest on the left breast. I held a thin foil, close. 

“Miss Hellsing.” The instructor called my name, I perked up. I felt my brow begin to sweat. My heart thudded against my rib cage. 

I step forward, not looking directly at him. “Can you demonstrate a simple Parry and thrust?” He asked of me. I nodded. 

“Mr. Islands, could you please be help Miss Hellsing?” 

One of Hugh’s nephew’s stepped forward, saying nothing, but standing, awaiting orders, kind of like my little pet back home. 

Islands’ Nephew stood before me, and I before him. My eyes darted back and forth. Nervous. 

“Ready,” The instructor said, we both nod. The instructor, waved his hand, and Islands came for me, using force. I parry, but that didn’t work, my foil was knocked right out of my hand in that first few seconds, it clinked as it hit the floor. And my face went red from embarrassment. All the boys started to laugh at me, and a wave of hot shame hit my chest like a massive wave of water. I didn’t even last ten seconds. 

“That’s enough!” The instructor yelled, trying to calm the boys down. I felt nothing but contempt in that moment. The instructor then leaned down, and whispered in my ear. 

“I think that’s enough for today Miss Hellsing, go home, we can try again next week.” He gave me a soft smile, patted my shoulder. I stood up slowly, feeling all those eyes burn into me, anger built up inside of me. But I tried my best to conceal it. I took my weapon, and left. 

Later on that evening I sat alone, like every night, at the dining table. I had gotten use to being alone. The two years after my father’s death, were the loneliest of my entire life. Not because I wasn’t surrounded by others. I just didn’t let anyone in. 

“Master.” I heard my servant’s voice come from behind me. I turn around, our eyes met. He wasn’t his glasses or his hat. 

“Yes, Alucard?” I asked, he stepped closer to me, sitting in the chair next to mine. 

“Your thoughts, keep me astir.” He said, straight faced. “What is the matter?” 

“I told you to stay out of my head.” I snapped at him. I heard him breathe hard out of his nose. 

“My apologies my master, but I cannot help it, sometimes your thoughts are so loud, I cannot stop myself from hearing it.” He said to me. 

“Then, why do you need to ask if you can just hear my thoughts?” I asked, “Why do I need to suffer more for you?” I hissed. I saw Alucard’s eyes flicker, not offended, but definitely surprised. I felt a little smug satisfaction creep on the corners of my mouth. I always liked shocking the vampire. 

“My apologies my master.” Alucard said, sitting up, his hand on his knees, his legs crossed. “I did not mean to upset you so.” 

“Well you did.” I huffed, setting down my fork, I pushed my plate away. 

“Did I curve your appetite?” He asked me, apologetically. My brow twitched. Something in my snapped, I wanted to be left alone. I got up, and left my servant at the dinner table. I went to my office. Slamming the door behind me, and locking it. Not like that it would have stopped him. I went to my desk, a neat stack of papers sat on top of it. It was a report from last next. I sighed, looking upon them. A small bridge had been burned down during one of Alucard’s stunts he likes pulling. He would never go for the obvious way of doing his job. He would take the most convoluted way possible. Making a scene, and causing thousands in tax payer dollars in property damages. The thought enraged me more. I wanted to tear those papers and throw them in Alucard’s face. But I didn’t. I stayed calm. My mind still burning. I sat at my desk, head in my hands, my fingers through my hair. 

Alucard, Alucard was the reason I was like this. He was so much of a burden, costing thousands to feed him, to house him, to pick up his messes after battle! I wasn’t his god damned babysitter! Dumb stupid dog! 

I heard a soft knock on my door. 

“Who is it?” I called out. 

 

“Walter.” He called from the other side of the door. 

“Come in.” I ordered. Still irritation in my tone. He came in slowly, a look of concern warped his eyes. 

“Is everything all right?” He asked, approaching my desk. “You didn’t finish dinner. Do you feel ill?” 

“Can I breathe for two seconds?” I snapped at the butler, looking up at him. Walter stepped back, offended. His hand on his chest. His brows almost touched. I sighed, I put my head on my desk, hiding my face. 

“Sorry.” I apologized, muffled. I heard Walter’s footsteps approaching again, stopping right before me. 

 

“It’s quite alright Ma’am.” He says. I looked up, he gave me a smile. I gave him a weak one back. He looked down at the papers. “I see you found last weeks incident report.” he said, oddly chipper about it. “Did you look it over?” 

“No.” I said flatly. “I know it’s coming out of pocket, our insurance department won’t touch it, so it’s coming out of my personal family fortune.” 

“Well, you can sign it, and get it over with, and we can put it behind us.” Walter clasped his hand together, trying to pleasant. 

“It’ll just happen again.” I said, dejected. “And again, and again.” 

“Have you tried talking to him about it?” Walter asked. I shook my head. “Hm, I see.” He said, rubbing his chin. “Well, in any case, all I need is your signature.” Walter said stiffly. Walter had gotten better at keeping his ideas to himself since I had assumed leadership of The Hellsing Organization. He still didn’t like the idea of Alucard being out of the basement. And I was slowly agreeing with him, but ever since he had been let out, our human casualties had been greatly reduced. He was our trump card. I frowned internally, we needed him, I needed him. My stomach turned at the thought. I needed him! 

I flipped through the report on my desk, everything seemed in its place. I signed, and handed it to Walter. “File this.” I said. He nodded and took his leave. I was left alone again. The moon had a perfect view inside of my office. It felt as if the natural satellite was watching my every move. I sat straight, and checked my voicemail, nothing. I supposed it was good change from the usual. Usually I had many many voicemails. 

I went to my bedroom, it was only 8 pm, but, considering of the emotional roller coaster I had been on today, I felt I needed to go to bed early. Plus there wasn’t any undead activity to speak of, which was rare for the summer nights. 

I put on my nightgown, and got underneath the covers. I shut my eyes, my consciousness slowly fading. 

“Master.” I heard Alucard’s voice calling. I tried to open my eyes, but they were already open somehow, but I knew they were shut, they had to be. I was dreaming. I was back at the dining hall, expect the table was empty. Alucard and I were in the same positions we were in just hours ago. I looked at him with contempt. 

“So you can enter my dreams now?” I gritted my teeth. 

“No, I can’t.” He answered, “Not unless you want me too.” He added.  
“What the hell does that mean?” I snipped. 

“It means, i’m here because you want me to be here.” He spoke calmly, as if this wasn’t a massive invasion of privacy. 

“This isn’t real!” I yelled. “It’s just a dream!” 

“You are right, it is, but I am exactly here.” He crossed his legs. 

“But-” My eyes darted back and forth. “Oh god!” I exclaimed, holding my head in my hands. 

“It’s our connection.” His voice sounded so calm, so endearing. 

“I don’t want a damn connection.” I growled. I heard him chuckle deeply. 

“You sound like all of my previous masters,” He joked. “They couldn’t deal.” 

“Don’t try to play with me, dog.” I looked up at him, hate filled eyes. 

“Why are you so angry with me, my Master?” He asked. 

“Because you are a reckless, nosy, dog!” I felt red hot, if this wasn’t happening in a dream, my face would be boiling. 

“That’s not the reason, and you know it.” 

“Who the hell are you? My damned psychologist?” I stood up. I tried to expel him from my mind, but he didn’t budge. 

“They laughed at you didn’t they?” 

I felt my heart stop, How did he know that?  
“I read your thoughts.” He said, seeming satisfied with himself. But his face read differently than his tone. 

“Yeah, they did.” I admitted. 

“So that’s why you’re so upset.” He said. 

“I’m just a little girl.” I said defeated. “I’m just a powerless little-” 

“Don’t say that master, do you really think I would give my servitude to someone so powerless?” He asked. 

“Huh?” I asked. 

“Do you think I would follow you if you truly were so weak?” 

My mouth dropped slightly. “No, I don’t know-” I shook my head. “Maybe you would, I don’t know how your seals work.” 

He grinned. Hair falling over his foolish red eyes. 

“Well, your grandfather and father kept me close by, untrusting, your grandfather, overly cruel, and your father unsure. But you, you put so much trust in me, and you know your word is law, their words, were untrusting and deep down, they were frightened of me. They thought I was too powerful for my own good. But you, don’t care. You know where I belong. Right under you.” He spoke so tenderly. Which put me at ease. I did trust him. I was never, and will never be afraid of him. 

“That’s right.” I spoke sternly, trying to recover from my emotional outburst. “That’s where you belong. And you need to be careful.” I moved closer to him. “Your little stunts cost me a great fortune. You must do your job cleaner and more efficient, do you understand?”

“It shall be done. All for you.” 

I smiled. I woke up.


	3. Llanwrtyd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Integra fights her anger, but finds she must fight something else.

I stood before Alucard, a blood packet in his hand. I drew my sword, slowly, eyeing the plastic, red sack. I stood, ready to attack, ready to kill. I went to stab the little bag. But Alucard moved it too quickly. I growled, and lunged forward, aggressive. I saw the grin on my servant’s face, that only made me angrier. I kept lunging, I kept moving, thrusting my sword. I gritted my teeth. Alucard was all too fast for my human speed, and eventually, I tired myself out. I dropped the sword, my hands were on my knees, I knelt over, panting. 

“I suppose I am too quick for you master.” Alucard teased. “You anger faults you.”

I stood upright, popping my shoulders. “My anger keeps me from being taken advantage of.” I tried to justify myself. 

“Your anger is not needed, you skill is.” Alucard said, taking the blood pack and tossing it up and catching it over and over. My eyes followed the packet, moving up and down. 

“You don’t think i’m skilled?” I asked, I raised my brow. Alucard chuckled darkly. 

“Oh, course you are.” He told me, stepping closer. I perked up, nervously. I wondered what his angle was. “Four years with a sword, and you have done nothing improve, however,” He trailed off, looking down, then up. 

“However what?” I asked, taking a step back. 

“However, you get too fired up, too quickly. You’re anger blinds you. And you miss.” 

“That’s easy for you to say!” I groaned. “You’re a vampire!”  
He chuckled again.  
“The Bird cannot outfly the master.” I pointed out. I smiled smugly. “And you, my dear bird, are doing exactly that.” 

His smirk vanished. A moment of silence had fallen between us. He lifted up the blood bag. “Would you like to go again?” He asked. His hair fallen over his eyes slightly. 

“Yes.” I hold my sword close. My eyes locked on the packet of blood. He lifted the packet to level with his face. I steadied myself, and turn my sword, then without warning I cut the packet in half, blood splattered on Alucard’s face. I saw Alucard’s tongue snake out of his mouth, licking the blood off of his cheek. His eyes glowed as he took in a satisfying meal. He examined the empty blood bag. 

“A clean cut.” Alucard complimented, admiringly. “Good job, My master.” 

I felt a slight heat rise in my cheeks. I tried to keep a straight face, making sure he did not see any red color in my cheeks. 

“Thank you, servant.” 

I saw the blood splatter on the floor be drawn to Alucard, I saw the blood being absorbed through his feet. I cocked my head in curiosity. 

“Have you always been able to do that?” I asked. Alucard grinned. 

“Yes, I have. I can absorb blood anywhere on my body.” He spoke matter-of-factly.

 

“Can all vampire do that?” I asked, curious. In my four years of hunting vampires I never thought they could do such things. I’ve read all of my grandfather’s journals, and not once did I ever read anything like that.  
“I’m not sure.” Alucard aid, rubbing his chin in thought. “I’ve always thought it was just specific to me.” 

“Hm, interesting.” I said, looking my servant up and down. He was the most powerful, most ancient vampire I have ever come across. I always figured he knew everything there is to know about his kind. But I’m human, and I don’t know everything there is to know about humans. 

“I’m sorry master, did my answer not suffice?” He asked, giving me a apologetic look. 

“No, no.” I put my hand up defensively, “Your answer was perfectly fine.” I said, putting my sword back in its sheath. I saw Alucard relax his shoulders, putting on a slight smile. 

I stiffen, and straighten out my face. “All right, that’s enough for today, Alucard. You are dismissed.” I waved him off. He nodded, and bowed. 

“Good day, my master.” Alucard, taking his leave, leaving me by myself. I finally relaxed, walking out of the room. I walked to my office, going to my desk. Fingering, and reading all the contents on my desk, they were still warm. Freshly printed. Vampire activity had been spotted in Llanwrtyd in Powys. Alucard would have an interesting night ahead of him. I smiled, knowing my servant would have something to do. I read the report, two vampires had been spotted near the town, and are suspected of breaking and entering into people’s homes at night. Maybe this wasn’t going to be fun for Alucard, he never liked a weak target. I assumed it was two newborns, wreaking havoc on the small town. Five total casualties. I had wished I had gotten this report sooner. I picked up the phone. 

“Walter.” I said sternly into the phone. 

“Yes, Madam.” Walter Answered.  
“Get ready for tonight, I’ll need two men, my gun, and my sword.” 

“I’ll get on that right away Madam.” 

I hung up the phone. Tonight would be easy, doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have to prepare. 

 

 

 

_______

 

 

I took the helicopter, two of my best men by my side as we land. We make our presence known to the police tent outside, I come in inside. The police chief giving me a strange look. I heard a policemen whisper, “What is that little girl doing here?” While the comment slightly annoyed me, I cancelled my frustration. 

“Good evening.” I greeted confidently. 

 

“What are you doing here? This is a private-” The Police chief begin to speak but I cut him off with a wave of my hand. 

“You’re troubles are over. This investigation is under the Hellsing’s derestriction now.” 

All the policemen gave me and my two men a strange look. 

“Allow me to explain, we at the Hellsing Organization exterminate all undead threats that threaten Her Majesty and her country. What you got in that town is are Vampires, that is our specialty.” 

They still looked upon me with confusion. I sighed, how many times did I have to give this speech? It was getting tiresome at this point. 

“How are you going to kill the vampires?” The chief asked. He gave me a look of disbelief. 

I smirked. “We, at Hellsing have a little trick up our sleeve, and within few hours, those vampires will be gone.” 

I felt proud knowing Alucard was out there, knowing he would have it all taken care of. My vampire, my servant. 

 

 

 

 

A few hours had past, and we had heard nothing. I was beginning to worry, I could see the Policemen looking at me with contempt, and smug satisfaction. I had known what they were thinking, I was just a crazy little girl. 

“I’m going in there.” I stated, looking at both of my men beside me. They gave me a worried expression. “We need to go in there, I haven’t heard anything, and it’s been two hours, and he isn’t going to do it, then I will!” I exclaimed, leaving the police tent. I started to head down hill, my men following shortly behind me. I got my gun ready. I was going in for the kill, I would reprimand Alucard later for his laziness. As I entered the small town, I noticed all the windows were shut and locked, all of the souls locked themselves inside. I walked quietly down the main road, the fog settling around my ankles. I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up, those vampires were close, I knew it. I pulled out my gun, ready to shoot. My men did the same. I heard the sounds of a stick, breaking. My heart was beginning to race. 

Where the hell was Alucard? 

 

Then, the sound of screaming filled the air, I snapped my head towards its direction. One of my men was shot in the head, I gasped, my other soldier quickly moved towards me, guarding me. Both of our eyes wide as we watched the other man’s life leave his eyes. No… No… this couldn’t be happening. 

“Watch out Ms. Hellsing!” My soldier called out, getting in front me. He pointed his gun to the sky and began shooting. But it was no use, he was shot in the chest, the bullet killed him immediately. My mouth dropped I was next. I looked up were they bullet came from. A silhouetted figure stood on top of a roof. I swallowed, pointing my gun at the figure. I took the first shot. But I missed, damn. I saw the figure vanish before my eyes. I blinked, looking at my surrounding, my men dead at my feet, blood escaping their wounds. Then I felt sharp claws dig into my shoulder, I screamed as I was tossed into the building next to me. The smell of my own blood filled my nostrils. A striking and intense pain blossomed in my head and shoulder. I felt myself bleeding from the back of my head. My vision blurred. 

“My mate was killed tonight.” A hard dark voice said to me. I heard footsteps coming closer to me. I try to shoot my gun again, I saw the bullet fly past the figures head. Damn! I couldn’t see still, I had hit ground far too hard. I felt the warmth of my blood soak my shirt. I scrambled to try to sit up right. No. I was going to die, I was going to die right here. I shot my gun again. This time I hit my assailant. I heard him grunt. 

“Damn you!” He screeched, I felt my arm being yanked, and I was thrown down an alleyway, the claw marks scrapped against the ground, and pain rushed through my body causing me to scream. I had lost my gun. 

I heard footsteps approaching me again. My vision was completely gone. 

“Alucard!” I screamed. “Alucard!” 

“Is that his name? The one who killed my mate?” The voice asked.

I began to pant, pain taking over my body. 

“If you don’t answer, I’ll kill you.” 

I felt the vampire grab my wrist, shattering it. I shrieked. Hot tears rolled down my cheeks. He lifted me up by my broken wrist. It felt as if my wrist wasn’t attached to my body anymore, like I was going to drop. I felt the vampire’s mouth inch closer to my neck.  
“Are you his master? His pet? What are you?” He asked me, I didn’t answer. So he broke my fingers. I screamed once more. 

“I’m not telling you that!” I growled, trying to look past the pain. 

“Well I suppose i’m just going to have to kill you now.” He whispered. I felt his mouth approach my throat. Oh, Oh god, I was going to die. I braced myself for it, For death. I felt his fangs dig into my shoulder. I didn’t scream. I slowly became limp in his arms. I felt my life slowly slipping away from me, everything became black and fuzzy. Death cradled me in that alleyway. Death’s arms embraced me, taking me gently down the path of eternity. My pulse weaken, and all the pain I was feeling slowly dissipated. My eyes slowly closed. 

I didn’t even notice the gunshot, I didn’t even notice I was now on the ground, my blood almost gone. My heart beat barely there. I was ready for death then, I thought I was going to die. My eyes slightly fluttered open. Two red eyes stared down at me. I felt myself being lifted, I thought it was god, but it wasn’t. It was my vampire. My servant. 

 

 

 

I slowly began to open my eyes, I heard the sound of a heart monitor. I tried to move, but I was completely still. I felt no pain, no discomfort, but I was really hot, my right arm was wrapped up in a cast, and the back of my head was bandaged. My left shoulder was also bandaged. I felt drowsy. There was a figure in front me, blurry, undefined. The figure reached out and held my head. I blink, trying to get my vision back. 

“Hey,” The voice cooed at me, it was Walter. I felt at ease. I squeezed his hand back, I gave him a warm smile. My vision coming back, Walter became clear. “Hey, how do you feel?” He asked me. 

I blinked once more. “I feel fine. I think.” I spoke, my voice course. “What happened?” I asked. 

“You were attacked, Integra, you were thrown done an ally and bitten.” He explained, gently. 

“Oh god, I’m not a vampire now am I?” I asked, panicked. Walter chuckled. 

 

“No,” he shook his head. 

“Where’s Alucard?” I asked, my eyes searching for him. I took in my surrounding. I was at home, but it looked like my room had been converted into a hospital room. I was in my bed, I was hooked up to all kinds of machines. I saw an I.V tube going to my left arm to a little red bag of blood. I had gotten a blood transfusion. 

“He’s asleep.” Walter spoke stiff. It was obvious Walter thought this was Alucard’s fault. I nodded. 

“Was I out long?” I asked. 

Walter shook his head. “Just a couple of days. The doctors thought you were going to be in a coma a lot longer than that. But you pulled through.” Walter said, cradling my hand in his, stroking it with his thumb. “I thought I was going to lose you.” Walter admitted. 

“You didn’t, and you won’t.” I promised him, smiling. “Did…” I began to speak, “Did my men make it?” I asked. Walter looked down, and shook his head. 

“I’m afraid not.” He answered. “But I have made arrangements for their burial.” He said. I nodded. I felt stupid, if I hadn’t gone down there, and just wanted a little while longer, two of my best men could still be alive, and I wouldn’t be like this. 

“Okay.” I said, meekly. I swallowed hard. “It’s my fault they’re dead.” I admitted. “If I hadn’t went down there-” 

“Don’t say that!” Walter had cut me off. “You were just doing your job!” He tried to defend from my own criticism. I furrowed my brow. 

“Walter…” 

 

Later on that evening, the moon had lit up my bedroom. I had tried to sleep, but all I did was toss and turn. The sound of the machines beeping kept me awake, and the pain, the pain was returning. I would have Walter bring some more painkillers in the morning. I felt where the vampire had bit me start to ache and burn. I couldn’t move still. My bandages made it impossible to move. I shut my eyes hard. But the sound of footsteps echoed in my bedroom, and I opened my eyes again. I saw a dark figure approach my bed. 

“Master.” Alucard’s voice came from the dark figure.

“Servant.” I whispered. Alucard came into view. His hair over his eyes, his hat missing, along with his coat. He came close, kneel beside my bed. I turned my head to see him. His eyelids low, along with his brows. His hand reached and stroked my cheek. His cool skin sending shivers down my spine. 

“I did this to you.” He said, his voice low, and ashamed. “If I was just a bit faster, I could have stopped it.” 

“Alucard, it’s my job too to keep the monster’s at bay.” I answered him. My voice still course. 

“I watched you die.” He blurted out. 

“What?” I asked, “What are you on about?” 

“You died my master, I saw the life leave your eyes, I heard your heart stop.” 

“If I was dead, I wouldn’t be here.” I snipped at him. “Obviously.” 

“I saved you.” He said, his words soft, but hard, coming from the back of his throat. 

“I saw, you were the last thing I saw.” I admitted. “I know you saved me, servant.” 

“I gave you my blood.” He said. His words shocked me, sent me in a frozen state of disbelief. 

“You… what?” I asked, hoping I heard wrong.

“I gave you my blood.” he repeated himself. “I had you to save you.”  
I wasn’t exactly angry. I was just confused. Could vampires really save someone who is already dead? I breathed hard out of my nose. “Okay.” Is all I said. I saw him perk up, surprised at my reaction. “Just promise me one thing.” I continued. 

“Yes master, anything.” He stroked my cheek again. 

“Don’t you ever, ever leave me in that position, ever again.” 

“I promise, my master.”


	4. Powerless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Integra finds she must fight even after the battle is already over.

A couple months had passed since the incident in Llanwrtyd. My wrist and fingers were healing nicely. And the bite mark on my shoulder had almost completely healed. I was feeling good, but still, my condition I could not go out in the field. Which, while frustrating, I managed. It gave me a lot of time to sit and think. Alucard in particular. He wouldn’t leave my side while I was bedridden. Maybe it was his way of making up for not being there during the attack. Even when visitors would come, he would lurk in the corner until they left. He sat next to me, like an obedient little pet. Once I could move around, he slowly made himself more scarce. Still, I wanted him near me. My veins pulsate when he was near. Maybe it was his blood that was inside of me, inside of my bones. I shook at the thought. If grandfather, hell, even my father knew that I had consumed vampire blood, they certainly would come back from the dead and take me with them. But, it was the family pet’s blood. It was the family heirlooms blood. It saved my life. Alucard, saved my life. 

I stood, looking out the window of my office. It was raining, the sound of water drops hitting the glass swelled, consuming everything. My arm was gently tucked against my chest, resting in a sling. My heart beat softly beating against it. 

“Shouldn’t you be resting.” I heard a voice come from behind me, I turned my head slightly to look at who it was. It was my servant. I turn my head back to look out the window again. 

“I’m not tired.” I answered him. “I’m just fine.” I said, a smile on my face. I saw Alucard’s reflection in the glass of the window. 

“Your shoulder is healing nicely.” Alucard said reassuringly. “You should be back to normal soon.” 

“After i’m out of this cast, i’ll still need physical therapy.” I sighed. “I’m right handed after all.” I smirked. 

“I’m sure Walter is getting tired of being your right hand.” Alucard laughed. I chuckled softly. 

“I will say, I will sure appreciate my independence a lot more.” I smiled. 

“I’m sure you will.” Alucard said, stepping closer to him. I put my hand on the window. The condensation smearing. 

“I have meeting with Sir Penwood.” I said, 

“Penwood?” Alucard intrigued. “Really?” I saw him grin slightly. 

“He has some ‘concerns.’” I continued. “I wonder what it could be.” I cocked my head to the side. I looked down at my sling. My arm ached. I remember when the doctor was showing me where my wrist had snapped in half. He was really surprised I didn’t need surgery. It was a clean break he had told me. 

“How much blood did you give me?” I asked Alucard, who was by my side now. 

“Just a few drops.” He said, staring out the window. “Just enough to restart your heart.” 

“I see.” I said, giving him a slight nod. 

“When they gave you a blood transfusion, it made you smell weird.” He admitted. “The only constant was me, coursing through your veins. And I knew everything was going to be okay.” 

“You saw what they did?” I exclaimed. 

Alucard nodded. “I saw everything, I needed to know they knew what they were doing.” 

“They’re my doctors, of course they know what they are doing!” I snapped. “You’re obsessive behavior isn’t a good luck on you.” 

I saw him grin out of the corner of my eye. “Obsessive?” 

“You’re an attack dog, not a caretaker.” I stated, hard. “You needn’t worry yourself with that sort of thing.” 

“If I didn’t act you’re like your caretaker, you’d be dead.” Alucard spoke calmly. “I”m your servant, I am tied to you, and only you, I may be your attack dog, but even the most vicious dogs care for their masters.” 

My upper lip twitched. He was right, damn him. 

“You care for your masters? All of your masters?” I asked. 

“No, just you.” He answered. 

 

My eyes flickered, and I looked up at him. “Just me?” 

“Yes, you’re the only master that treats me well. I don’t know if that’s out of ignorance, or you genuinely care for a monster like me.” 

What was he saying? I wondered what my grandfather and father did to earn such scorn from Alucard, then again, if I was enslaved, I wouldn’t be too happy about it either. 

“What did my father do to you?” I asked. “What did my grandfather?”

 

“I’m not sure your ready to hear that, my master.” He said, coming closer to me. My face soured a little. To enslave someone, you need to beat them down, make them powerless. But Alucard wasn’t powerless, he was the most powerful vampire I knew. How did he become the pet of the Hellsing’s exactly? 

“You Hellsing’s made me strong.” Alucard said, reading my thoughts. I furrowed my brow. “I was, a project.” Alucard clarified himself. “Once I was defeated, I became a project.” He repeated. 

“Is that why you are so…” I trialed off. “Different?” 

“I suppose.” He answered. I turned my head to look at my servant, I noticed his fiery eyes, those same fiery eyes that I saw down in the sublevels 4 years ago. 

I felt myself become dizzy, I stumbled back a few steps, that was enough standing for the day. Alucard looked tense at me, ready to catch me if I fall. I made it to my chair, and I saw him relaxed. 

My head started to hurt. I rubbed my temple with my left hand, and groaned. 

“Is something the matter?” Alucard asked. 

“Yes.” I answered honestly. “My head hurts.” I pout, almost like a child. Alucard stared at me, his face straight. 

“Call Walter, doesn’t he control your medicine intake?” 

“I’ll wait until my meeting with Sir penwood today. I want to keep my wits about me.” I said, in a low tone. 

“Good idea.” Alucard remarked with a slight nod. “Although…” Alucard trialed off, I saw a small smirk on his face. 

“What?” I asked, intrigued. 

“You’re a funny one when you’re on painkillers.” He teased me. My eyebrow quirked up, and my lip twitched. 

“Oh yeah? What is that supposed to mean?” I asked, slight agitation in my voice. What could he mean by that? 

“It means, you’re funny under the influence of drugs, my dear.” He smirked. 

My dear?

 

_My dear?_

 

**Oh it’s on!**

“How dare you!” I exclaimed, standing up to face him, despite my headache. “You don’t ever call me dear! Ever!” I pointed my finger up, flicking his nose. He shook his head, a little stunned at my action. His red eyes wide, looking down at my furious little face. He had nothing to say, he just stared at me, wide eyed still. 

 

“I’m sorry, my master.” 

My lip quivered in anger still, but my head hurt still, and I felt dizzy again. I began to sway, I needed to sit down. I turned and made my way to my office chair again. I sat down, making a load blop. My arm rested against my stomach, and the other held my chin. 

“Watch your tongue servant.” I warned him. 

“I will from now on my master.” He promised me, but I knew it wouldn’t be a promise he would keep. 

“Good.” 

 

 

 

 

Later on that evening, Sir Penwood came. The storm outside still was ragging on. Thunder and all. Sir Penwood and I sat in the din. A fire crackled in the fireplace, He and I watched it, without saying anything. I relaxed a little in my chair, my arm rested against my stomach. I looked over at Penny, he was fidgeting, nervously playing with his tie.   
“So, what have you come here for, you only come when you have something important to say, now spit it out.” I demanded of him. He shot up a little at my outburst. 

“Now, Integra,” He said calmly. “You are an unofficial member of The Convention Of twelve.” 

I nodded. 

“Well, the other members and I thought that..” He trials off. 

“That what?” I asked, tilting my head to the side. 

“That you shouldn’t go out into the field until you are an official member.” He finally said, eyeing my nervously. 

“Are you saying I shouldn’t do my job- no- My duty?” I asked, anger boiling within me. Who the hell did those men think they were? Penwood saw the anger in my face building. He began to inch away from me in his chair. 

“Integra, we are just concerned for you, we don’t want you to die because of something that could be avoided.” He tired to speak in a calm tone. 

I stood abruptly, towering over him. My brows together. 

“What are you saying Shelby?” I asked, “Are you saying this is my fault?” I growled, gesturing to my arm sling. “Would you rather I just sit back, and let others die?” 

Shelby's eyes went wide. “No- it’s just- well.” He began to fidget again. His eyes darted back and forth.

 

“I think you should go.” I snapped, turning away from him, “Walter will show you out.” I spoke in a low tone, and walked out of the din, the double doors slammed loudly behind me. I walked to my room, shutting the door behind me. Unwarranted tears fall down my cheeks as I slide down the door frame, I cradled my knees. My face between my legs, gentle sobs escaped me. 

Who the hell did they think they are? Talking about me? Behind my back? Treating me like a child! I wasn’t a child! I was grown, wasn’t I? I was a responsible adult! How foolish I am. 

“Master, why are you crying?” I heard my servant’s voice calling out to me. I didn’t bother looking up. 

“I want out.” I admitted, still sobbing. 

“Out? Out of what?” 

I lifted up my head to stare at him, he was right in front of me. “Out of here, out of this house! I want out! I want out! I want out!” I stomped my feet in anger. I heard a small gasp escape from my vampire. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked, kneeling down in front of me. My tears started to dry, never cry in front of a vampire, never. It’s a sign of weakness. 

“I’m a powerless child, and everyone knows it!” I moan in agony. 

“You’re not a powerless child, remember what I told you.” He reminded me. I look into his eyes. Those eyes, those foolish red eyes I have come to adore over the years, seemed so reassuring. “Don’t let them treat you like that!” He growled at me. 

“I didn’t.” I spoke meekly. “I told Sir Penwood to leave for disrespecting me so.” I wiped my cheeks of any tears.   
“Never let those men treat you like that, or make you feel like that!” He squeezed my shoulder. “I will not bow to someone who gets treated like that.” 

“I can’t control what they say about me!” I defended myself, “Or think…” I looked past my servant, towards my bedroom window, I stared at the night consuming the sky, and rain hitting against the window.

Alucard didn’t say anything back to me, but he sat next to me against the door. He sighed heavily. “Master, you mustn’t worry about what they think or say about you. Soon you will be their leader, and they won’t have anything to say about you then.” 

I stretch out my legs. “I guess you're right.” I said softly.


	5. The Bridge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Integra makes a risky decision that saves her life.

The night settled gently that evening. I had put myself in danger again. I was alone, I had managed to separate myself from Alucard. I was in the woods, it was still, far too still. Vampires were near. I knew it, I felt it. I had my gun drawn, in both hands. I looked at all of my surroundings, every noise had given me a mini heart attack, but I did not show it. I kept my face still, just in case the vampires were watching me. I needn’t show them I was nervous. I put my back up against a tree, waiting. Calling out Alucard’s name in my mind, but I heard nothing back. He must’ve been too far to hear my voice. I called his name out again. I could sense him, so he wasn’t too far away. He had a distinct feel to him. A warm feeling, like I wasn’t alone in the most comforting way. Like a soft, heated blanket. I always thought it was strange, usually if a vampire is near, the natural response is dread and fear. But I was never afraid of vampires. 

I snuck past a couple of trees, darting around all of the branches. I had gotten myself lost. I hadn’t followed The Round Table’s requests to stay out of the field, not like I was going to listen to them anyway. I was going down hill now, the darkness of night was disorientating. But, I heard running water, so I went into its direction. I saw one single light through the trees, I gasped, I followed it. Once I reached the bottom of the hill, I came to a bridge. One single light upon a post lays before. It was misting outside, and I was now getting wet. My hair matted to my face and neck. I slowly approached the bridge, knowing now, I was vulnerable to any vampires watching me. My sense of Alucard was still strong, so the other vampires might be preoccupied with him, I hoped at least. I, now stood on the wooden and steel bridge. It was old, and it felt like it would given in at the slightest shift, but I felt safe here. The running water underneath me would be the best place to be during a vampire attack. Vampires couldn’t cross running water. I smiled, knowing that fact brought some comfort. All I needed now, is to find my servant. I tried to sense him, tried to find his location. He was still in the woods somewhere. I could feel him coming my way. Good boy. 

I wondered for a moment, if I hadn’t drank his blood two years ago, would I be able to figure his location? Could I be able to sense him? Probably not. Or maybe, it was the master and servant connection we had. 

During my moment of pondering, I heard a twig snap, and turn my head in the direction of the sound. Then I saw them. Three young, blonde, vampires, covered in blood, their mouths soaked in the crimson liquid. They were newborns, I could tell. They all looked at me with crazed, hungry eyes. I wasted no time in shooting. I shot the youngest looking vampire in the heart, he couldn’t be any older than 18, one year older than me. The vampire went down like a fly. I didn’t know how to feel about it though, he was young looking, so… innocent. The other two vampires hissed at me, but did not attack. I am backed into the ledge, I aim my gun, keeping the newborns at bay. I look them both dead in the eye. They kept hissing at me, inching closer, but not too close. Their eyes glowing with blood lust and anger, but one of them began to smile, and I climbed on top of bridge ledge. 

“Why don’t you join us little girl?” The newborn on the left asked me. 

“I’ll never become undead scum like you.” I sneered at them. I saw them beginning to walk closer to me. “Why don’t you just kill me instead?” I mocked them, smirking. They growled at me, one of them lunged at me. I jumped. The wind whipping past my ears as I make a descent into the icy river. The cold water took my breath away as I was whisked away by the rivers current. I didn’t fight it, I just let it take me, knowing that if I fought it, my death would come sooner rather than later. I tried to reach the surface, but I kept get knocked around by the rough waters. I ended up hitting my head against a large rock, but that didn’t hurt too bad. I didn’t know where I was now, and my grip on Alucard slowly began to fade. That’s when I started to panic. My body began to shiver and I knew hypothermia would set in soon if I didn’t get to shore. But I would certainly die anyway, I would be miles away from the Hellsing outpost by now. I managed to get small breaths by bobbing at the surface. I tried to grasp at anything I could to stop myself from going down the river, but I was too wet to really grasp anything. I could still feel Alucard but just barely. Like he was chasing me down the river, just out of reach. I was knocked around like a rag doll, then finally, I was hit in the head again, and everything went dark. 

 

I woke up on a dark, rocky shore. Walter over me, yelling at me to breathe, my chest hurt, and my nose burned. I coughed up water violently from my lungs. Walter stroked my face once he noticed I was breathing and awake. My head was on something hard, like a rock. My head pounded, and my eyes couldn’t focus on Walter. 

“Integra? Can you hear me?” Walter asked, helping me up. My throat ached, and I wondered if I could talk. 

“Did I die?” I asked, genuinely. Wondering what happened. I heard the Walter shaped figure in front of me chuckle a little. 

“No, but almost.” He answered, Patting my shoulder. “Smart Idea jumping into the river like that.” He said, helping me sit up. _**Smart idea…**_ _**Smart idea? _ **. I almost died!**_**_

_**_****_ ** _

“Where’s Alucard?” I asked, moving past his comment. 

_**_****_ ** _

“He’s waiting for us back at the tent. He disposed of the vampires chasing after you.” Walter said. 

_**_****_ ** _

“Oh.” For some reason, my heart twinged. Why did he not go after me first? I felt almost betrayed. Like I didn’t matter to him. My rational side thought for a moment, he had to get rid of those vampires chasing after me. And by then, Walter probably already caught me. Still, Alucard should be here. 

_**_****_ ** _

“Is something the matter?” Walter asked, helping me stand. I felt a bit dizzy, so I leaned against my butler. We walked down the river’s side. 

_**_****_ ** _

“Nothing, I was just thinking is all.” I answered. Walter held my hand as we walked. “How did you find me?” I asked. 

_**_****_ ** _

“I was with Alucard, when you two split up, he went to find me, and we looked for you together.” He explained to me softly. I nodded, taking in the information. 

_**_****_ ** _

“I see.” My voice course still. “Is the Round Table going to hear about this?” I asked. 

_**_****_ ** _

“No, not a soul.” Walter smiled. 

_**_****_ ** _

“Good.”

_**_****_ ** _


	6. Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Integra finds there are more things to celebrate than just her birthday.

My aging wasn’t something to celebrate anymore, once my father died, my birthday’s were a quiet affair. Maybe a slice of cake, and small gift, from Walter or any of the other staff. I didn’t care for birthdays anymore either, so I didn’t mind the smallness of the acastuion. I was turning 20. One more year I would be knighted. Which would come as a relief. I could put all those tests behind me. And I wouldn’t have to prove myself anymore. I could just be, be the woman I was always meant to be. 

I stared at myself in the mirror, my bare form reflected back at me. My hips narrow, and my chest pathetic. Although I was glad, I didn’t need a figure. I didn’t need men to stare. I didn’t need the distraction of worrying about breasts, and hips. The only thing I was really proud of, was my hair. I made sure it was washed, oiled, and brushed. I spent more time on my hair, than I’d like to admit. 

I looked at my face, I kept my face clean as well. I always made sure my face was presentable. I always cancelled my emotions, I had learned that over the years, it was to my benefit. Whether I was upset, angry, or frustrated, I had to hide it. I couldn’t show any weaknesses. No matter what. I had to be strong. 

I turned my back on my reflection, putting on my suit. I had a friend coming over today. He was in my fencing class. His name was Gabriel. He had always been there for me, at least in class, I didn’t let him in any further than that. But since it was my birthday, I’d let him come over. He told me he had a gift for me. I tried to get him to tell me what it was. I didn’t like surprises. I turn back to my reflection, fully dressed. I smiled slightly. I liked how I looked. My hair was in the front of me, on either side of my neck. It gave me a more feminine appeal. 

 

Feminine appeal?

 

Hm. 

 

I heard a soft knock on my bedroom door. 

“Who is it?” I called out. 

“It’s me, madam.” I heard Walter’s voice coming from the other side of the door. “May I come in?” He asked. 

“Yes.” I answered. 

I heard the door open, and I saw Walter’s reflection in the mirror. 

“Happy birthday.” Walter smiled. 

I turned, facing my butler. “Thank you, Walter.” I thanked him. I looked down at his hands, he held a small, gold box. 

“Hm? What’s that?” I asked, pointing to the box. 

Walter’s smile got bigger. “It’s a gift, for you, madam.” He spoke brightly, proudly. He outstretched his hand to me, handing me the gift. I took it gently out of his hand. 

“What is it?” I asked. 

“Open it, find out.” He chirped. I wanted to protest, but I kept it to myself, and opened the box. There was a small pin, with the family crest. I smiled lightly. Feeling a warm feeling in my chest. 

“Did you make this?” I asked, and Walter nodded, his arms behind his back. He seemed pleased with my reaction. I touched the gold pin, the metal was cool to the touch. It was beautiful. I take the pin out gently, and handed to Walter. 

“Will you do the honors?” I asked of him. He nodded gratefully, and took the been delicately from my fingers. I stood closely to my butler. He gently put the pin over my breast. 

“There! Fits you perfect!” Walter exclaimed happily. I looked down, It shined perfectly in the light. 

I couldn’t stop smiling. It was just like the one I saw in all of my father’s pictures. It was just like that one, expect shinier. 

“Thank you again, Walter really.” I murmur, trying to be humble, but I ended up in his arms, something that I rarely did anymore. Walter looked down at me, surprised. Then slowly wrapped his arms around me. He held me tightly. Like he did when I was a child. It definitely took me back. I looked up slightly, Walter’s eyes met mine. Blue like mine. I suddenly let go of him, straightening out my suit jacket, and clearing my throat. 

“Sorry.” I managed to spit out. Walter clasped his hands together.

“No, it is quite all right, madam.” He waves me off. “No need to worry.” he reassured me, and I am put at ease. He always had a way of doing that. Putting me at ease with his gentle etiquette He always had this way, just a way, that I always admired. Even now, even after he had betrayed me. 

We both heard the doorbell ring. Our heads turned towards my bedroom door. 

“Ladies first.” Walter said, letting me go ahead of him. We walked out of my bedroom. And we make it to the front door. I wait by the door, I knew who it was. It was Gabriel. I felt a little excited knowing it was him. I wasn't’ sure why I was so excited. I went to stand off in the corner, trying not to look too eager.  
Walter opened the door slowly, his face lit up.  
“Good evening, Mr. Welsh.” He greets Gabriel. “Come in, Madam Hellsing is waiting for you.” He lead Gabriel inside. My eyes soften upon him. His ash blonde hair was slicked back, and he wore and wool suit. Reminded me of my father. Gabriel’s eyes searched for me around the room. I stood still, in the corner, unmoving, waiting from him to find me. I smirked as his chocolate brown eyes gaze upon me. The corners of his mouth curled upward into a smile. 

“Hello, Integra.” He greeted me. 

“Hello, Gabe.” I greeted back, approaching him. He looked down at my pin. 

“That’s a nice pin.” He complimented. Then he paused for a moment. “I missed you at practice today.” He frowned. 

I chuckled, “Sorry, I was a bit overwhelmed with other duties today.” I explained my absence. 

“Duties, hm.” His lip quirked upward slightly. “Well, whatever the reason, I’m here now.” He clasped his hands together. I saw Walter out of the corner of my eye existing the room. I continued to stare up at Gabe, he was far taller than I was. 

“Right.” I chuckled. “Come, Walter made us a nice lunch.” I waved him on. He nodded, and followed closely behind me as we make our way to the dinning hall. I pushed through the double doors. The smell of food lingers in the air. Mmmm. Gabe came in right behind me, his eyes lit up upon seeing the food. 

“Walter made this?” He asked, amazed. 

“Yes, he did.” I answered, taking a seat. “I’m not sure what he cooked,” I admitted.”But it looks good.” I patted the seat next to me, wanting Gabe to take a seat. He sat next to me, taking off his suit jacket. I looked down at the contents of the table. Plum stew, cashew chicken. I smiled, these were my favorite food as a kid. There was also tomato soup, and green and red noodles. My mouth began to salivate, I began to make my own plate. 

“Aren’t you going to say grace.” Gabe teased me. I rolled my eyes. 

“I’m sure god won’t mind.” I teased back. He laughed, hard. Must have been a real knee slapper. After I was down setting my plate, he set his. He really liked the noodles it seemed. 

There was a bottle of wine on the table too. It tempted me just sitting there. 

“So, how is the birthday girl?” Gabriel cooed at me, which brought heat to my cheeks. 

“I’m fine.” I said, in a small voice. “How about yourself?” 

He shook his head. “Never mind me, today is not about me.” he said, patting my back. His hand was warm, and full of life. Unlike the one that dwelled in the basement. Wait, why was I comparing them? Hm. 

 

I looked up at him. His confidant, big smile, made me feel strange, I liked it, I liked it a lot. It reminded me of my father again. He was like my father in many ways, tan skin, ashy blonde hair, the big grin. Gabe and I did look similar too, a soft, boring beauty, that’s what he was. Why not be with him? It would be easy, I knew him. And Sir Welsh would have our support. And if I were to have children with him, we looked so similar it would be like having my own child. 

“Well, how was practice?” I asked, trying to make small talk. 

“Well,” He removed his hand from my back to rub his chin in thought. “It was boring, without you.” He smirked. I felt a soft blush rise in my cheeks, and I hide my face. If it was any other man, I would have smacked them. “Is something wrong?” He asked. 

I shook my head, still not looking at him. I felt him lean over me. 

“Do you..” he trailed off. “What to go somewhere more private?” He asked. I nearly choked. I slowly turned around, my eyes big, in shock. 

“What did you just say?”

Gabriel and I sat on a couch in a private din. My hands on my knees, I sit upright, blinking rapidly. My heart raced, and my chest heaved up and down. I swallowed hard, I had never done anything like this before. 

“You’ve never kissed before?” Gabe asked, “Ever?” 

I shook my head. “No, never.” I admitted. It’s not like I ever had the option. 

“You don’t have to be nervous.” He said, trying to comfort me. 

“Okay.” I spoke gently, closing my eyes. I felt Gabriel inch closer to me, I felt the heat of his lips approaching, and I felt my heart explode as his lips touch my cheek. I gasped. The inside of my lips tingled. Gabe cradled the back of my head, pulling me closer. Our knees touching, I wanted to jump into his lap. But I shook the thought. 

Gabriel pulls away. “Was that okay?” he asked, looking at me with me caring eyes. I nodded, breathing heavily still. “Do you want to continue?” He asked. I shake my head. “Okay.” he smiled, pulling away. It wasn’t exactly a kiss. But I was satisfied.

“That was… Great.” I spoke. “Thank you.” 

He laughed again. I furrowed my brows. What was so funny? He looked at my questioning expression. “Sorry, I just never have gotten think for a kiss before.” He justified his laughter. 

“How many girls have you kissed?” I asked, curious, leaning back. 

“Only two.” He answered. 

“Two? Really?” I said curiously, “I find that hard to believe.” I teased him. 

“Hard to believe? How so?” He asked, crossing his arms, a smirk on his face.  
“You seem like a ladies man, women must be falling over themselves to get to you.” I laughed. 

“No, not really.” He admitted. “I don’t get to be around many women anyways.” He shrugged. I frowned a little. “What’s wrong?” He asked, frowning back. 

“Oh, nothing.” I said, feeling a bit hot in my chest. I don’t know why, but I didn’t want gabe around other women. I did like this boy in front of me. But I didn’t know how to deal with these feelings. I had never found someone I liked as much as him. Maybe with one exception. But he was far too old for me. 

“Integra.” Gabriel takes my hand gently. “You can tell me what’s bugging you.” 

I reached out and stroked his soft cheek. My hand still cradled in his. He closed his eyes. 

“I want you to save yourself..” I trailed off. “For me.” I spoke honestly. He opened his eyes again, almost shocked. I took my hand away, turning away from him, what was I saying? The feeling of hot shamed washed over me. What was I thinking? Asking him of such a thing? What was wrong with me?

I heard him chuckle softly. “Sorry,” he apologized. He put his hand on my shoulder, focusing me to turn around. “Do you like me?” He asked. 

“Yeah, At least, I think so.” I put on a weak smile. 

“Well, I like you too.” He admitted. I gasped, I fought the urge to kiss him, right then and there. My heart began to race again, not that it ever stopped. And I felt sweat start to form on my forehead. I swallowed hard. 

“Really?” I asked, wide eyed. Gabe nodded. I inch closer to him, my lips quivering for another kiss, on the lips this time. 

“Do you want to be with me?” He asked.

I nodded. I see him smirk, and he leans in. Our lips connect, and my mind exploded into a thousand colors. His lips were soft and warm, inviting, and quenching. It seemed as if the kiss lasted forever. But before I knew it, our lips parted, and I was sadden. I gazed up at Gabriel, and he gazed down at me. His eyes caring, and gentle. Just like how father use to. He caressed my cheek, and I kissed his fingers. 

“I need to speak with my father, and we shall start courting.” he spoke with confidence. Courting? That word sent a certain stiffness down my spine. I nodded, not want to cause him any need for concern. 

“You’re father?” I questioned. Gabriel was the nephew of Sir Rob Welsh. I never knew Gabe’s father. “Why does your father need to know?” I asked. 

“He needs to know if you are serious about this, but i’m sure he’ll be jumping up for joy that The Director of Hellsing wants to be with me.” He spoke with a air of whimsy. As if it wasn’t a big deal. Courting lead to marriage, it was a big deal! 

“I see.” I said, looking past Gabe. “So, we are unofficial?” 

He nodded. 

“Okay.” Is all I said.


	7. Second Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Integra finds comfort in the one that has always been there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to change the rating of this work because of this chapter alone. But I still hope you like it!

It had been several months since my first kiss, and still, nothing came out of it. Gabriel's Father didn’t approve of us courting to our surprise. “Too dangerous.” to be with the daughter of Arthur Hellsing, Apparently. But I still remained his friend regardless of our circumstances. I could see the look on his face every time we saw each other, it was one of regret. And I couldn’t help but feel guilty. If I hadn’t kissed Gabe, this rejection wouldn’t have happened, I wouldn’t feel so, used. Even if It wasn’t Gabe’s fault entirely. He was still 19, and under the jurisdiction of his parents. Maybe if I waited a few more years, we wouldn’t need the permission from anyone. I liked that thought. 

“Gabriel.” I said over the phone, awaiting his answer. 

“Integra.” Gabe said sternly. “What do you need?” He asked, impersonal. I frowned. 

“Nothing, I just wanted to talk to you.” I answered honestly. 

“Oh, well..” Gabe began to click his tongue, “What do you want to talk about?” 

“How was your day?” I asked, spaciously. 

“It was fine.” His voice was ungiving, uninterested. I felt my heart sink to my feet. What happened to our friendship? 

“Mine, was good.” I said, trying to keep conversation. 

“Look, Integra.” Gabe says abruptly. I blinked, a little stunned. “I have…” he trialed off. 

“Have a what?” I asked. 

“I have a date.” He finally said. My jaw dropped. 

“Oh…” Is all I said. “Okay, well, have fun.” 

“Thank you.” He thanked me. “Good day Integra.” He said before hanging up. 

I wanted to break the phone in my hand, so I chucked it across the room. It made a loud bang as it hit the wall in front of me. I clenched my teeth together. I still wanted to break other things. So I kicked the end table by the loveseat I was sitting in. It made a loud crashing sound as it hit the floor, shattering the lamp that was on top of it. I then kicked over the coffee table behind me. A chunk flew off and skidded across the floor. I leaned down and broke off a table leg, and started to break anything fragile around the room, vases, mirrors, anything I could get my hands on. I continued to smash and break things, until the room was unrecognizable. I stood, panting, I had worn myself out. I dropped the table leg, noticing footsteps coming from behind me. I quickly turned, My brows touching in the center of my forehead. 

“Madam Integra?” Walter asked me, his tone full of worry and concern. “What happened?” He spoke in a small voice. 

“I,” I panted, “I saw a spider.” I lied, putting on a fake smile, trying to put him at ease. He just looked more confused. Walter bent down, and picked up a shard of glass from one of the mirrors I broke. He stood back up. 

“Oh. Oh my.” He said, looking at me a bit cautiously. “Did you, manage to kill the spider?” He asked, cocking his head. 

I nodded. “Yes.” I crossed my arms. “Took the whole room out with me.” I said confidently, like it didn’t matter that the entire room was destroyed. “Walter, I’m going to my room for the rest of the evening, do not disturb me unless it’s deadly important.” I warned Walter before walking off. I slammed the door behind me. I saw my desired destination, my bed. I ran into it, grabbing the pillows, and burying my face into them. I had never hated anyone more than I hated Gabriel. I hoped his date went terribly, I hope the woman he chose was a brute! I was just another option to him, clearly. My chest felt sore, like I couldn’t breathe. My heart beat went on unnoticed. I felt dead, I wanted to be dead. I opened up, and I got burned. How foolish was I? A kiss, is still, just a kiss. I felt hot, shameful tears pull down my cheeks, soaking my pillow. I was acting to juvenile, I knew that. But at least it was in the privacy of my own bedroom. 

“Master?” I heard Alucard’s voice coming from behind me. 

“Go away!” I screamed into my pillow. “You don’t need to see me like this!” 

“Master.” I heard Alucard voice soften, and his footsteps echoed as he came towards me. I shrank as he sat on my bed, by my feet. His hand on my ankle. For some reason, I didn’t order him away. I finally turned around, showing Alucard my swollen red face, riddled with tears, and snot. 

“I saw you tear apart that room.” Alucard admitted, it was quite the wake-up call. “If I may be so bold, why did you tear apart that room, it certainly wasn’t over a little spider.” 

I wipe away my tears on my white sleeve and sighed, my breath shaken. “I kissed a man, I thought he was genuine. But, he has a date with someone else.” 

“Really?” Alucard sounded, almost pleasantly surprised. “My master kissed someone, wow.” He spoke whimsically. 

“I wish I could take it back.” I groaned. I felt Alucard come closer to me, the bed shifting as he inched closer. I sat up, trying to put distance between Alucard and I. My heart beat was noticeable again. I felt like my blood was a magnet, pushing me towards him. It was because his blood was in my veins, it lingered in my bones, calling me to him. I wanted him to hold me in his arms. Alucard’s eyes flashed a brilliant orange, he was grinning, staring down at me. How foolish he looked then. 

My tears were dried, but I had gotten the hiccups. 

“We all do things we regret Master.” He said, his grin fading. “But we mustn't fret, we must move on, and put it behind us.” 

“Is that why you’re a vampire?” I asked, sarasam in my voice. “Because you can’t move on?” I gazed upon my bird, he cocked his head at me. 

“The exact opposite.” he spoke like a little ghost, there, but not completely. “Actually.” It was like he didn’t pick up on my sarcasm. 

He leaned in, coming incredibly close to me. His eyes were so hypnotic. Like a thousand souls screaming within them, begging for freedom. Suddenly, I noticed nothing but my servant. 

“You know my father would be spinning in his grave if he found out you were in my bed.” I spoke breathlessly. 

“The dead don’t know things.” He tone full of resentfulness. “I should be so lucky.” He then smirked. 

“So you’re just a big dumb dog?” I asked, one of my eyebrows quirking upward. 

“If that’s what you want me to be, then yes.” He gave me a big toothy grin. 

“So tell me.” I began to speak, “What kind of use would I have for a dumb dog?” I curled my lips upward in a mischievous manner. 

“I can be a companion.” He answered, his hand itching closer to mine, grazing my fingers. The magnet within me, started to stir again. It always happened when he touched me. Whether it was a soft caress, or if he put his arm around me, it was always there, in the pit of my stomach, and in my veins. 

His hand was now on top of mine. “Is that what you want?” He asked me. I nodded. Yeah, it was what I wanted. I felt his hand grip mine tighter. 

“Guide me.” He said softly. 

“Okay…” 

 

 

 

 

I was in his arms now, he was surprisingly warm, although it might have been his coat. My hand was on my breast, and Alucard’s hand laid gently over mine. I looked deep into his fiery eyes, as he looked into mine. My chest heaves up and down. I wanted him to touch my breast, at least, what was there. I didn’t have any chest. But he didn’t seem to care that I wasn’t busty. Even if I didn’t have any figure, I still didn’t let him touch me fully. He looked at me, his body still, unmoving. His eyes gazing down upon me as we lay. 

“Integra.” he whispered, his voice husky. 

“What?” I breathed. 

“Remove your hand, let me show you what you’re truly missing.” He begged me, a small whimper escaping him. It was strange to see him so vulnerable. I slowly slipped my hand out from under his. My breath hitched. He was the first man to ever touch me in such a way. 

“Alucard.” I whimpered. “More...” 

He gentled slipped his large hand between the buttons of my shirt. His cold fingertips sent shivers down my spine as he makes contact with my bare skin. His took his index finger and his thumb and gently started to play with my nipple, causing me to shiver and shake in his arms, I whimpered pathetically. I heard him chuckle deeply. 

“Alucard. More.” I begged, rather than demanded. He turned me around, then he leaned in, and slowly started to kiss and lick me behind my ear. My body sank into his, becoming one with him easily. His breath was warm, so strange for an undead creature like him. I continued to pant deeply, whimpering and moaning while my nipples were being played with. Could Gabriel give me this much pleasure from just touching my chest? I think not. I felt something strange going on between my legs. I wanted to be touched there as well. I wanted him to touch my most sacred of places. I rub my legs together, backing up into him. Feeling something stiff touch my bottom. I heard Alucard moan under his breath as he kissed my ear still. I smirked, knowing his weakness. I continued to grind my bottom against that hard thing in his pant. He stopped kissing my ear, and leaned his head back, moaning. I quickly turned around to face him, his arms wrapped around my waist. He looked at me with begging, pleading eyes. 

“More.” He whimpered, I shut my eyes, and our lips touched. My lips were cooled by the touch of his, and my fingertips and toes curled. I wasn’t exactly sure I wanted this, even now. I wondered if it was a mistake. To kiss a vampire, my servant. I wondered if he really wanted too. I wondered if he even liked me. He pulled away, looking at me with confusion. 

“Of course I like you.” He said. 

“Reading my thoughts again?” I asked, Wrapping my arms around his neck. 

“Yes.” He admitted. “Is that a problem?” 

“No.” I spoke, breathing out of my mouth. 

“Can I kiss you again?” He asked. 

“Yes.” I murmured. 

He leaned in again, kissing me, harder this time, more want in his lips than before. I felt that stir in my loins again, I wanted it to be touched, I wanted him to touch me there. His lips moved to my ear again, sucking on my earlobe. I chirped in delight at the sensation, my eyelids fluttering. I clenched the fabric of his coat as I rubbed my cheek against his. 

“I want more.” I begged out loud. “Please, more.” 

“Tell me what you want, Integra.” Alucard purred in my ear. I take his hand again, Putting it between my legs. He shivered just as much as me. My loins began to stir, and I started to grind against Alucard long, slender fingers. My head rested against his chest, moaning into him, vibrating his chest. 

“Does that feel good?” He asked. I nodded, slowly.   
“Harder.” I demanded. Alucard did, and my head shot back, and my squeal echoed throughout my room. My body felt like it was going floating in a sea of pleasure and desire. Alucard continued to rub me until I felt I was going to… I didn’t know. But I felt myself becoming a million pieces in his arms. A surge of pleasure shoots through my body and I know I am done for. 

“Ah..” I panted. I curled up into my servant. “Ah..” 

Alucard chuckled deeply, and I kissed him. “You didn’t last very long.” He teased me. I didn’t say anything back, I just looked into his eyes.


	8. The Affair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alucard and Integra find themselves in a dance for dominance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, I know I said one chapter a day, but I rewrote this chapter like 80 times, and I just want it out there. Plus I have been writing none stop. It's been fun!

I don’t know when the affair really started. Alucard would come to my room, everynight, all night, comforting me with his arms. It was chaste, void of any sexuallaity, but I was fine with that. Alucard would just wrap his arms around me, and make me forget all of my troubles of the day. I had gotten use to our nightly routine. I would fall asleep in his arms, and when I woke in the mornings he would be gone. I didn’t mind it really, but sometimes I had wished he’d stay until morning. Stay, and watch me get ready. Talk to me in the shower. I wanted all of those things, but yet I never commanded it, I never let it show that is what I wanted. It would only cause dismay in my heart, because I know he is a monster. He could never be in a real partner, a real boyfriend. He was my servant first, and everything else came later. He was a killer, a murderer. So I couldn’t let him get close. Because I know more than anyone he would use it against me. Take over Hellsing from the inside, seduce me, ravish me, violate me, change me. Although, admittedly, it wouldn’t be violation, it would be a truly great pleasure. My only fear despite everything, is that Alucard doesn’t feel same way. That he was just following my words, and only acting like he likes me because I enjoy it. Sometimes, in the earlier hours of the morning, I would masterbate, imagining him playing with my body, making me tic. I imagined my hands were his own. I wanted his body thrusting against mine, making me feel helpless, yet somehow safe. I kept looking for a possible future anyone else, but I saw none, Gabe long forgotten, and no other man kept my attention like my servant. Maybe it was because he was the only one I truly trusted, as foolish as that sounded. 

Tonight, would be different, I would ask him to repeat what happened that one fateful night, the night that sparked all of this. I wanted us to explore each other. No matter what, I was going to do it. 

 

I stood in the moonlight, the light shining upon my head. I stand fully naked, but under my comforter canselling my body, Alucard would be here soon. And I would finally expose myself to him, showing myself in my truest form. Slender, flat, tall, me. I never asked him what he thought of me physically, but I would figure out tonight. I heard the sound of the air shifting in my room, I looked over my shoulder. Alucard stood behind me. He said nothing, but stared at me, looking puzzled why I wasn’t in bed yet. 

“Alucard.” I said lowly, breaking the silence. 

“Master.” he greeted me back. 

“Say my name.” I ordered. 

“Integra.” Alucard greeted again, correcting himself. The corners of his mouth curled upward. “Why aren’t you laying down?” He asked. 

“I want to show you something.” I spoke, turning around to face him. 

“What is that?” He asked, rising one brow. 

“Look.” I said, letting my blanket fall to my feet, revealing my bare body to him. I look into his eyes, gauging his reaction. His eyes take in my body, looking me up and down. He said nothing, but his eyes glowed a bright red, his face gave nothing away. I wondered what he was thinking. He began to step forward, taking off his gloves, his hands outstretched towards me. I do not move, I do not try and hide my desires. His hands rested on my hips, they were cold, and made the hairs on my body stand up. He looked down, his eyes gazing at my breasts and chin. Our body’s were dangerously close, my breath tickly his chest. 

“Master.” He whinied lowly. 

“Say my name, Alucard.” I spoke breathlessly. 

“Integra,” he leaned in closer, his lips tickling my ear. “What are you doing?” He asked softly. 

“I want you to look at me.” I explained, “I want you to learn me, I want you to touch me, and I want to learn you, and to touch you.” I cooed. 

“What can I do for you, Integra?” He asked, lingering on my name. “Your word, your pleasure, is my reason for existence.” 

“First, you must tell me what you think of my body..” I whispered. 

“You..” Alucard trailed off, his lips playing with mine, taunting me to kiss him. “You’re putting me on the spot, my mast- Integra. Can I show how much I love your body?” He asked, eager, but still whispering. I nodded. He then took me and laid me down on the bed. His lips on my neck and chest. I moaned softly, my body shaking from just his small touches. His hands were traveling up and down my hips and sides. His lips didn’t touch mine at first, but slowly, his lips moved up to my chin to my cheeks. My lips ached, and my mind stirred. What was I doing, really? Was this really what I desired? Was this really a good idea? Should I stop this, and go back to the way things were? No, this was what I wanted, whether it was an intelligent decision wasn’t relevant. Living in the now didn’t seem so ignorant when you were being pleased. 

Alucard’s hands stayed put at my hips and I whinied, but then I remembered I was his master. 

“P-put..” I began, “Put your hands on my- my breasts.” I ordered. Alucard smirked, and his fingers danced to my chest, my breath hitched. I moaned softly as his fingers delicately played with me.  
“Your voice is sweet, my master.” 

“Quiet.” I demanded. I half expected back talk, but I was pleasantly surprised. Alucard continued to play with my chest and nothing else. I felt perfectly comfortable with this, being so vulnerable to him, he wouldn’t hurt me. Unless I asked.  
His hands traced around my breasts, his fingers kissed my skin, causing my to squirm. I lean upward, my lips making contact with his lips. His mouth pried mine open, and our bodies melted together. I lifted my hands upward, trembling, trying to unbutton his coat and suit jacket. He helped me, by shaking off his coat as best he could, then he stopped touching me to sit up and take off the rest of his clothes. He then collapsed back on top of me, his arms wrapping around me tightly. Our lips in a hungry battle for dominance, his hand demanding, and he forced open my legs with his knee. I gasped. My eyes widen. I saw it in his eyes, the hunger, and lust, the longing. His eyes glowing, and his fangs bared at me. He grabbed my wrists and held him down by my head. 

_“Integra!” _His voice boomed. _“Pull the trigger! Comand me! Let your servant show you what true pleasure really feels like!”___

____Alucard’s load and commanding voice made me stir, the passion in his eyes, I wanted him then and there, but I knew it couldn’t be. I couldn’t let him take me. Not like this, not now.  
I gazed up at my servant, my eyes heavy. _ _ _ _

____“No.” I stated simply, despite my foggy mind. His eyes went wide, and he just stares at me in a state of shock. Then, I could see a slight smirk creep across his lips._ _ _ _

____“Really?” He asked, amazed._ _ _ _

____“Yes.”_ _ _ _

____He chuckled darkly, rolling over off of me, his hand caressed mine._ _ _ _

____“Humans are fascinating.”_ _ _ _


	9. Present Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alucard rewarded for a late homecoming.

I’m naked.

 

Chained to the wall.

 

On top of a hill.

 

Watching London burn. I heard the screams of agony of all of those people, all of the inndonct childern, all of the fathers, all of the simple folk who didn’t see it coming. All of the people who couldn’t find a safe place. They scream out for death, for release, and I am stuck, listening, listening to their cries. I struggle to get out of these chains and fight, but to avile. I scream out to them, letting them know I’m there, I’m going to save them, but I just couldn’t get out of these chains. I kick and struggle, trying harder to rip myself from my chains. But I feel as if the chains are pulling my closer and closer into the stone wall behind me. I still fight, I am not giving up that easy. 

“I can save you!” I scream, “I can save you! Just give me time!” I beg, hoping they could hear my plea. But they just screaming, and screaming, and screaming. Babies being torn apart, mother’s being eaten alive, father’s killed in front of their children. I feel myself sink further and further into the stone, my body being slowly devoured, i’m going to die. But, that is fine with me. Because it’s what I deserve. 

I lowly sink, down and down, into the crushing darkness. My lungs collapse, and my stomach flattened. I couldn’t escape, so I just let it take me. 

 

I woke to the sound of Seras’s voice, her hands around my shoulders, shaking me awake. I shake my head, wondering what is wrong. But then, I reach for my throat, I had been screaming in my sleep again, my throat throbs and stings. 

“Integra! Integra!” Seras yells, concerningly. “What’s wrong?” She asks. 

“Stop shaking me!” I demand, my voice course. I wave Seras away from me, shrinking away from her. I hear a small, little whine come from Seras as I move away. 

“Sorry.” Seras speaks, scooting closer to me on my bed. “You were screaming again, and I just wanted it to stop.” She explains herself. I sigh. 

“I know.” I say, turning away, trying to get comfortable again. Seras leans in, putting her phantom arm around me, as she sits up in bed. I don’t mind her touch, I never minded it. “I’m sorry.” I apologise. I lean back, laying my head on her chest, my hand over hers. She kisses the top of my head. I don’t exactly remember how we ended being so close, maybe out of need, desperation, loneliness? I’m not sure. But I certainly wasn’t saying no. Seras made all of the nightmares go away, and she knew that, so she always stayed just outside my door at night. But I wasn’t the only one suffering from nightmares. I would often go to her coffin in the middle of day, I could see she was suffering from her soft whimpers and sweat. So would stroke her cheek, and hum her songs. That seems to help. She never screams, unlike I. But, I could see it in her expressions. 

Seras reaches down and strokes my temple, then her fingers move through my hair. I let out a soft moan. I hear Seras chuckle behind me as she continues to play with my hair. 

She then gently starts to rub my neck and shoulders. I roll my head on her chest, my nightmare forgotten by her hands. She leans into my ear. 

“Sir Integra.” She whispers. 

“Yes?” I whisper back. 

“Do you feel any better?” She asks. 

I nod. Feeling myself drifting off to sleep again. 

 

I woke up, the sun shining in my face. I had a class to teach today, if I remember correctly. Who knows, where is my mind anymore? I notice Seras had gone to sleep in my bed. Her phantom arm covered under my blanket. She didn’t need a blanket, she didn’t get cold. I put my hand on her shoulder, rubbing it gently. I lean down, whispering in her ear. 

“Wake up Seras.” I say gently. “It’s time for you to go to your own bed.” 

She grumbles, and turns away from me, taking the blanket with her. Okay, little brat. I shake her to no avail. I groan, rubbing my eyepatch. I know how to wake her. I smirk, the idea too delicious to pass up. I gently take my hand and turn her head to face me, leaning down, I whisper in a sensual tone, “Seras, it’s very late for you, you need to go to your own bed.” 

Seras stirs, and grumbles, but she does not wake. 

“If you go to your own bed, I’ll give you a kiss.” I whisper. 

That did it, that woke her up! 

Seras’s eyes open wide and she blinks at me in surprise. I lean down, kissing her cheek softly, she lets out a soft whimper, I lift my head back up, smiling. But she was frowning.

“Sir Integra, that was on the cheek!” She complains. I cock my head. 

“Oh, you want a kiss on the lips?” I say, tracing my finger under her chaw. She kicks her legs, fussy. 

“Don’t tease me!” She begs. 

“Oh?” I intrigue, “But it’s fun!” I coo. She pouts some more before I decide to give in. I tilt my head downward, and kiss her lips gently. Her lips are warm, and inviting. Unlike others I had kissed. I gently separate from the kiss. I gaze down at my little servant. She seems content. 

“Now, go to your own bed, I have a busy day ahead of me.” I poke her nose. She nods, and rolls out of bed, straightening herself out. I could still see the slight blush on her face. I smirk, Leaning on my elbow. 

“Remember to be up early today, I have a class!” I call out to her. 

“Got it!” She says before leaving to her quarters, shutting the door behind her. 

 

This wasn’t the first time I kissed Seras Victoria, and it wouldn’t be the last. She loves me, much to Pip’s dismay, he is a part of her. A part the would stay within her forever. I would leave her sooner rather than later, so Pip just bid his time until I am gone. Then, he could have her all to himself. Or maybe it didn’t work like that, maybe they would be alone together for all time, never touching, never being intimate, never to hold each other, that would be absolute misry. That is a misery I could not bare. 

I get up from my bed finally, and go to my bathroom, I take off my clothes; eyepatch, stepping into my walk-in shower. I run my fingers through my hair, making sure every inch is wet. I scrub my face and body, then my hair. My hair had always been the most difficult, yet the most fun part of my body to wash. I always love to out all sorts of things in my hair, making it softer, or shiner. Arguably it is the only part of my body that I put extra effort into, my hair, is my crown jewel after all. After I am done, I step out of the shower. I stand in front of my mirror, it’s fogged over from the steam. I whip my hand across the mirror, finding myself staring into it. My damaged eye twitching as I try to concentrate on my image. I watch as the condensation melts away, exposing my full body. I like what I see. Call me conceited, but I think I have a great body for someone just over 50. My breasts as perky as when I was 20. And my stomach still flat. I always thought my body would changed somehow after menopause, but to my surprise, it stayed the same. My skin became thin, but overall nothing has changed. 

I poke my cheek, my cheek momentarily rising before it fell. I couldn’t say the same for my face as for my body. My face had lines going every which way. The biggest are two big smile lines, on each side of my face. I didn’t like wrinkles, but these two, had brought me comfort, they remind of my Butler, my old caretaker, my traitor. 

I leaned in to trace my smile lines. I smirk, then lean back. Feeling satisfied, I go back to my bedroom, to my closet. I dress, plain black pants, a white button-up. My style hadn’t changed much over the years. Although it did get simpler, less thick. Seras’s style didn’t change much either. Sometimes when her and I were out in public, we would see girls as young as 11 wearing things only fit for someone who is 15 years older. I guess the times aren’t understandable to me anymore. I’m just an old bat now. 

 

I felt a hard feeling in my chest, I feel my lungs wanting to come up. I began to cough and hack, my fist banging against my chest, if feels if something was stuck, I quickly grab a tissue and cough up some sort of brownish mucus and blood. I blink in surprise. What on earth is this? I put my brows together. It looks sticky, but hard. I quickly wrap it in another tissue, and throw in a waste pin. If Seras ever found this, I would certainly get a scolded. She would go on and on, about how she could make me immortal, and all of my troubles would be over. While being with Seras forever is tempting. I cannot do it, for I am Hellsing, and I would never. I would be considered a failure. Even if all of my ancestors are dead. They are watching me, I knew it, I feel it. 

I wonder for a moment what Alucard would think. About my age, about my hacking, about never getting married, about never having children. If he was still around, me not producing an heir would certainly mean his death, and Seras’s too along with Pip. Maybe that’s why she wanted me to be a vampire. 

I go to a large room down stairs, setting up for my students. It seems like every time I would do this, I would set up earlier and earlier. Maybe it’s because I am getting older, and wanted more time to sit and think. I don’t know how much longer I will be well. Looking at my family history, they all died young. And while I had quit smoking several years ago, the effects would always be there. Slowly eating away at me, until they caught me, and dragged me below the surface, just like my nightmares. What a way to die. 

After setting up for fencing practice, I went to the kitchen, making myself a pot of tea. My kitchen barely got any use, I didn’t eat like I use to. Two meals a day, if that. Sometimes I would just have one small meal at night. It’s quite foolish of me, I know. But I’m always nauseous. Which reminds me, I should take my stomach pill. I get up from sitting at the small kitchen table, and go to the very top cabinet above the fridge. I grab a little basket full of pills. I found my bottle of Sildenafil, I twist open the cap, and take two pills. I put the basket of pills away. I then go back to the table, and sit and watch the sunrise. It’s a bright day out, the sky a soft, gentle blue. I continue to drink my tea and watch the sky, I did this every morning. I enjoy the alone time, somewhat. Seras is my only true company, so I didn’t like it much when she had to sleep. Maybe I should down stairs and check up on her. So I do, I go down in the basement, making sure my footsteps are quiet. I find her room, and enter without knocking. Seras’s coffin sits in the middle of the floor, looking small. I walk over to it slowly, and I bend down. I gently move the coffin lid to the side. Seras’s face is only half way visible. She’s whimpering, her face sweating, I reach down and stroke her cheek, she’s warm, like she has a fiver. I gently stroke her forehead and chin. I had never felt a vampire so warm. I frown. 

“Poor creature.” I speak softly. As I comfort the sleeping vampire, I hear the doorbell ring, they’re early today. 

 

 

 

 

I locked all the windows and doors, wondering how iscariot got in here. Seras watches me, still rubbing her cheek from where I had kicked her. I would have to make up for it later, possibly tonight. 

“I don’t know why you’re being so paranoid.” Seras says, folding her arms. 

“I don’t want them in here, even with walls that see and hear.” I snap, locking the windows in my bedroom. The moon is coming up, it’s a blood moon. 

“They left when you said, Sir.” She says, tapping her foot. “I don’t think i’ll be coming back.” She says. 

I turn to her, approaching her quickly, she braces herself for another kick, but I outstretch my hands, and caress her chin, pouting my bottom lip. “You’re being quite the lipy girl today aren’t you?” I tease. Seras’s expression relaxes. 

“Maybe.” Her eyes shifting around the room, I lean in and kiss her softly. Her phantom hand wraps around my wrist like ivy. I break the kiss, looking into her eyes. 

“Be a good girl, Seras.” I say. 

 

“Okay.” she says, a slight blush on her face. 

“Promise?” I quirk up my brow. 

“I promise.” 

 

Once the night settles in, I lay down, and Seras takes guard outside of my bedroom door. I get settled into bed, my clothes of the day still on. I am far too tired to change, my body began to feel heavy, along with my eyes. I slowly began to drift off into sleep. 

 

But that did not last, I feel the magnet in my veins again, pulsating, pushing back to consciousness. What? What the hell is this? I had not felt this since… since he left. I feel it getting stronger and stronger. My heart began to race, hearing footsteps approaching my bed, if it was him, this wasn’t funny. My hand gently slides underneath my pillow, grasping my gun, I quietly turn off my safety. I feel his breath on me, ready to bite. I then quickly turn my body, revealing my gun, unloading it onto the figure that was about to make me it’s meal. I use all of my bullets. I then hear Seras kick up my door, guns ready. 

“Master?!” Seras yells. “What happened?” She turns on the light, and finally, I see my almost killer. I was right… It’s my servant. I don’t know if I am angry or upset. He chuckles darkly. 

 

“What a violent welcome.” He says, “And you’re noisy as always.” He speaks, gesturing towards Seras. 

“Master!” Seras chirps happily, her face full of excitement. I sat on the edge of my bed, my arms fold to my chest, and I cross my legs, closing myself off. 

“Late homecoming, eh, Alucard?” I ask, “What were you doing?” I lightly scold.

“I kept killing…” He pauses. “My own lives… inside of me.” He continues, “Three million four hundred and twenty-four thousand, eight hundred and sixty-seven. Kept killing them until there weren’t any left. I killed them all, expect one…” He continues to explain, still sitting on the floor. “And now, i’m here. Now, i’m everywhere and nowhere, and that’s why I am here.”

I swallow, taking in this new information. I sigh. 

“Too late.” I begin to say. “You’re too late, Alucard.” I say. 

 

“I’m sorry.” Is all he said. I then smirk, unfolding my arms. 

“You must feel like drinking blood, don’t you? From me.” I ask. 

His eyes go wide, I see him smile excitedly. “Ah, yeah!” He says, I can hear the edge in his voice, eager, and ready. “30 years without eating anything. I’m starving.” 

“Hm.” I say, standing up, Walking over to him. “I am… Already an old grandma.” I say. 

“That’s fine with me.” He says, our eyes locking. I slowly bring my finger up to my lips, I find a soft place on my finger, and bit it hard, drawing blood. I then take my finger, and hover it over my servant. Blood about to drop from my finger. 

“Welcome home, my dear count.” I welcome him home finally. 

“I’m glad to be home, my countess.” 

My blood slowly drips down, landing on his tongue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not the end! I have way more chapters planned!!!! Just you wait!


	10. On Coming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Integra's Health declines. Alucard sits and wonders.

My daily routine had changed ever since Alucard came home. My day is consumed by his company. It is like, my troubles had vanished. I am not so concerned with my health anymore, I guess it’s because I didn’t have to wait any longer, I could die tomorrow and be perfectly fine with it. 

I sit in the garden, reading the paper, the summer breeze flowing through my hair. It’s early summer, so it is still bearable to sit outside. Plus, being outside had improved my health, at least somewhat. I’ve been doing more than just hacking. I’ve vomiting as well. I didn’t let Alucard or Seras know, of course, they needn’t concern themselves with that. And the vomiting only caused me to lose weight. Then the blood in my phlegm. I don’t want to know what is wrong. I don’t care to find out. Because I know, it is my fault, what is wrong with me. If it kills me, it kills me. 

“Good morning.” I hear a voice come from behind me. I turn my head to see who it is. Alucard’s eyes look back at me, I turn to read my paper. 

“Good morning, shouldn’t you be asleep.” 

“I couldn’t sleep.” 

“Really?” I question. “What’s keeping your mind?” I ask. 

“Seras.” he says. I perk up. He walks in front of me, taking the seat next to mine. 

“What’s wrong?” I ask. 

“Have you noticed she’s been closing herself off lately?” He says. I shake my head. 

“No, I can’t say I have.” I answer honestly. I wonder what he meant by that. She had been acting the same to me, she acted the same as always. “Has she been avoiding you?” I ask, rising one brow. Alucard nods. “Hm. Well, she might be a little jealous.” I suggest. 

“You think so?” he asks. 

“Just think about it, you’ve been gone for 30 years, and she’s had me all to herself, and now she has to share.” 

“You’d think she’d be happy to have me back.” Alucard says, rubbing his chin in thought. I chuckle. 

“Of course she is.” I say, flipping my newspaper. “But her and I, found muntral comfort in each other.” I put it lightly. 

I see a big grin creep across his face. “Oh, I see. Lots of long nights in each other’s arms? My master, I never pegged you as the type.” 

I snort. “Well I am the type, and I don’t feel bad about it.”

“I’m not saying you shouldn’t.” he says. “I think it’s great.” 

“Because you’re a pervert.” I speak in a low tone, not looking at him. 

“Me?” Alucard questions with fake surprise. “If I am not mistaken, you were the one you revealed yourself to me in a dramatic fashion.” 

I peak my eyes over my paper. “Dramatic fashion?” I scoff. He chuckles. 

“Yes.” 

“You seemed to like it at least.” I say before a moment of silence falls between us. I go back to reading my paper. 

“Have you been with anyone else…” Alucard asks. I feel a smirk curl upon my lips. 

“No.” I say, “I never had the urge.” I explain. 

I look up from my paper, finally setting it down. 

“No one ever tickled your fancy?” he asks, seeming surprised. 

“No, never.” I look him in the eyes, smiling slightly. “Maybe I was just waiting.” I say. Alucard slowly sits up. 

“Waiting for what?” He asks. 

 

“I’m not sure.” I rub my chin, “Seras has been enough.” I smirk. His face turns into a state of soft shock. 

“I see.” he says, “You seem to have thing for your subordinates.” he teases me. 

 

“I guess I do.” I shrug, I feel another hacking fit coming on, I begin to sweat, not wanting to reveal my illness, but it’s going to happen anyway. I begin to cough, making unpleasant noises as I bang on my chest. Trying to get whatever is in my chest out, I pull out a tissue from my pocket, hacking up blood and mucus. I then fold up the tissue, throwing it in the waste bin. Alucard gives a puzzling look. 

“Master, is that a common occurrence?” He asks, concerned. 

“No.” I lie, hoping he would buy it. 

“Hm, well, are you all right?” He asks, scooting closer to me. 

“I’m adequate.” I say, crossing my legs. He gives me a look of disbelief. I sigh. “Nothing is wrong.” I speak sternly. “I’m okay, trust me.” 

“If you say so, master Integra.” He says warralily. 

 

 

Later on in the evening, I make myself a cup of tea. My hands shaking as I hold the cup. I feel the on coming fatigue and weakness. I am finding it hard to breathe, I try to ignore it. I try to lay down and sleep, but I just woke up 30 minutes. My stomach turning and turning, I run to my bathroom, vomiting into the toilet. Nothing really came out, I hadn’t eaten a couple of days. I lay down next to my toilet, my eyes lid heavy, weakness over taking me. I pass out on my bathroom floor. I eventually woke up, my head pounding, I stumble to my bed, callpasing, face down. I groan loudly, my stomach turning. This was it, this was the illness that killed my father, and now it is going to kill me. Maybe. Maybe it wasn’t the same illness, maybe it is something entirely different, whatever it may be, I wanted it over with. I pass out again. This time, when I wake, I’m under my covers, my headache still present. I roll over, only to find a glass of water on my nightstand. I take it and drink it without question. I wonder who put me in bed? I feel my body, noticing I am in my nightwear as well. Hm. 

Alucard perhaps, or maybe Seras. 

I turn my head, looking at the phone next to my bed. I need a doctor. My family doctor wasn’t in town. So I would have to leave him a message. I call his office, leaving a message. I lay back down, the smell of my own vomit on my breath. I want to brush my teeth, but, I am far too weak to move. My breathing heavy and course. I am in absolute misery. But I try to escape my condition through sleep, but I just spend my night tossing and turning until morning. I had spent all day in bed yesterday. 

I try to stand, my legs wobbly, I grab onto my bed frame for support as I try to get my balance. I try to get my balance. I go to my bathroom, stripping my clothes off. I turn on the shower, and grip the wall, sliding in, the water beating down on me. I sliding down, laying down the floor, cradling my stomach. I begin to hack again, the taste of blood in my mouth. I feel so helpless… so weak… 

I shut my eyes again. My heart beat weakening. I call out for help, hoping someone will come. But no one does, maybe I am hallucinating. Maybe i’m still in bed, sleeping comfortably. Maybe i’m already dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little FYI, I am taking a little break! I posted a lot the past week, and I just need a little time to relax! Hope you enjoy this chapter! Comments and questions always, always, always, welcome!


	11. In Sickness and In Health

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Integra must make enragements do to her new condition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know how I said wasn't posting for a bit? I lied, here you go! This chapter is a bit heavy, serious illness mention.

“Lung cancer.” I say, folding my arms, twitching my upper lip. “I have lung cancer.” I speak with an almost empty tone. Seras gives me a hurt, sorrowful look. Her face empty, but her eyes say everything. 

“Are you sure?” She asks, lifting up her head, her hands in lap. 

“Yes, i’m sure.” I say. “I’m not getting treatment. I only have a three months.” I state firmly. Seras’s eyes go wide, and she gasps. 

“What…” She says smally. I nod, confirming her biggest fear. 

“The doctor said I’ve had for at least 5 years.” I explain. “It took my father, and it’ll take me.” 

I’m not exactly sure how to feel about it. In fact, it’s almost like I didn’t feel anything, like I am shielding myself from my inevitable death. I feel nothing. 

“Is there is any chance, at all?” Seras asks. I slowly shake my head. “Oh.” Is all she says. 

“I’m sorry Seras, but It’s going to happen.” I speak sternly, gazing out the window, it’s sunny out. 

“Does master know?” She asks, playing with the hem of her skirt. I shake my head. 

“No, he doesn’t.” I answer, leaning against the window. “I’ll tell him later.” I say with a wave my hand.

“You’ll have to tell him soon.” Seras says. 

“I know.” 

 

“Will you tell him soon?” 

 

“I will.” I swallow. “Just in my own way.” I say.

 

 

I go to my office, organizing, and reorganizing my desk. Trying to keep my mind off of my recent diagnosis. I had kept to myself for most of the day. I hadn’t eaten today either. Maybe I could slowly kill myself, to avoid a painful slow death. Starve myself, take poison? God, what have I come to? How pathetic of me to think such a thing. I suppose it wasn’t so cowardly. No one wants a painful, slow death. Memories of my father laying in his deathbed come flooding back. His face sunken in, and his body wasting away right in front of me. That is going to become me. I will become so weak that I wouldn’t even be able to bathe by myself. 

I am going to have to call Gregory, and set up a meeting, before I am too ill, I need to make sure when I die, everything is set in stone. Then I can relax while death takes me. I trust the Penwood’s, I always have. They would not disappoint me. I pick up the phone, and leave a message for Greg, hoping it wouldn’t be long until he listened to his messages. I turn to look outside, it’s raining now. Perfect. 

I put my head in my hands, running my fingers through my hair. I am going to die. I’m going to die and no one will be able to save this time. It is time for me to lie in my bed. This is my fault, I chose to indulge in smoking, now I am paying the price. It is what it is, I suppose. All of of vices kill us in one way or another. I always thought I would have more time, but life has a way of surprising us. 

 

 

 

I stare at Greg, gaging his reaction to my news. He doesn’t say anything at first, just twiddling his thumbs. 

“I know this is unexpected.” I say, “But I wanted to be sure you were the first to know.” I say. “So you can make preparations.” 

Gregory nods. “Yes, I understand.” he frowns. “How long do you have?” He asks. 

“12 weeks.” I says. “Not long.” 

He nods, taking in the information, a piece of hair sticks out from the rest of his head. “Okay.” He says in a tiny voice. “Sir.” He says, his voice cleary. 

“Yes?” 

“What preparations have you made thus far?” He asks me. 

“None, I just found out yesterday.” I answer. “I have to make arrangements with my doctor, and my lawyer.” 

He nods. 

“I’ll let you know when I make any important decisions.” I say, standing up from my desk, extending my hand. Greg stands up, shaking my hand weakly. I show him out. 

I watch him leave out of my circle drive, driving off slowly. I watch his car get smaller and smaller until it disappears. I go back inside, and I am met with a red cravat. I blink, trying to focus on the figure in front of me. 

“Good day.” I hear my servant greet me. I look upward. 

“Hello, Alucard.” I speak flatly, moving past him. He follows me. “Can’t sleep?” I question. 

“No, I am not in the mood to sleep.” Alucard explains. 

“I’ll trade you.” I tease before going into my bedroom. Alucard stands in the doorframe, awaiting for my permission to come in. I gesture for him to come inside. I hear the echo of his boots as I sit on my bed. 

“Skulking your duties?” He jokes. I smirk, laying down. 

“No, i’m just old.” I say, Alucard sits down next to me, the tips of his fingers tracing my jaw. I shut my eyes, taking in his affection. I hum lightly. His fingers are oddly warm. 

“I suppose i’m not use to it yet.” He says softly, chuckling. “I’ll never be use to it.” He says, lowly. 

I shift in bed. “I’m sorry.” I frown. “You won’t have to get use to it for very long.” I say. 

“What do you mean?” Alucard asks, taking a strand of my hair, bringing it up to his nose. 

“I’m dying.” I say. Alucard drops the strand of my hair. 

“What?” He mouths, eyes wide. 

“I was diagnosed with lung cancer, i’ve had for a long time, and it’s progressed past the point of treatment.” 

 

Alucard says nothing. He takes a piece of my hair again, playing with it between his fingers. I wait for him to say something, but he does not breathe a word, he just looks at the peice of hair in his hand. “Alucard.” I say his name softly. I look up at him, his eyes glowing. 

“I’m upset.” He admits. I shake my head. Did I mishear what he said? It’s strange hearing him say such a simple sentence. 

“I’m sorry.” Is all I say. 

“It’s okay.” He says, his voice husky. “Humans get sick, they’re frail, they get ill, they get old, and break down.” 

I press my brows together. “That may be, but at least I get to keep my humanity in the process.” I say sternly. I see a small smirk appear on his lips. 

“You are correct.” He agrees. His hand sneaks down, and caresses mine. “I would never change that.” he says pleasantly. He lifts up my wrist, and kisses it gently. I lightly pull away from him, holding my hand against my chest. 

“Did it hurt, leaving us?” I ask. He takes his fingers and strokes my jaw once more. 

“I wasn’t self aware. But it does hurt now.” He explains. “Let’s not talk about that now, master.” He whispers. “Does it hurt knowing you’re going to leave us?” 

“Yes.”


	12. Sunlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vampires look so stunning in the sunlight.

I stared out the window, looking out on the lawn. The morning dew was still on the grass. It was a hot, cloudless morning. The wetness of the morning would soon dry up. I look down at my arm. The bandage around my upper arm was tight, slightly cutting off circulation. I needed a new bandage, it was getting dirty. I lightly fingered the fabric, my fingertips causing a slight stinging sensation across my wound. It was healing, just very slowly. Maybe it was stress, killing one's family member doesn’t come easy. Nor does getting an organization with little preparation. 

“Touching wounds can lead to infection.” I heard a low voice come from behind me. 

“It’s wrapped up, it’s fine.” I countered, turning around. 

“How long has it been on?” I saw Alucard standing in the threshold of my office. 

“A month.” I said, turning back to look out the window. 

“You should change it.” He suggested. 

“Hm.” Is all I said. I felt his presence creep up behind me, causing the hair on the back of my neck stand up. “What are you going up so late?” I asked. 

“I couldn’t sleep.” He answered. 

“Should I sing you a lullaby?” I teased him. Alucard chuckled softly, standing next to me. My eyes went wide, and I gasped. The sunlight hit his face. “Get away from there! You’ll burn to death!” 

He laughed at me, mocking my concern. 

“The sunlight can’t kill me.” He said. “It just annoys me.” He grinned. My lips pressed into a hardline. 

“Oh, I see.” I said, putting my hands on my hips. I felt heat rise in my cheeks, knowing how much concern I showed. I internally shook my head. “If it annoys you so much, here.” I said while closing the blinds, only leaving a tiny shred of sunlight. He continued to smirk at me, turning to me. I saw a the tiny bit of sun hit his eye, half of his face was cast in the light of the sun, and the other side was shuttered in darkness. One of his eyes glowed a dark ruby, and the other a bright, fire orange. 

My mouth dropped a little, he was- beautiful. I blinked several times, wondering if my mind was playing tricks on me. No, it was real. I reached out my hand to touch his face, he closed his eyes as my fingers poke his cheek closest to the sunlight. 

“You look beautiful in the sun, it’s a shame you’re an undead.” I compliment. Alucard’s smirk disappeared. I took my knuckles and stroked his chin. I heard a low hum escape the vampire, almost like a purr. Almost like he was cat of some kind. It was almost amusing. I saw Alucard tear apart humans like they were nothing, hearing him purr seemed so unlikely. I never knew vampires could purr. I suppose i’ll use that to my advantage. I slowly took my hand away. He opened his eyes, smirking again. 

“Did you fall and hit your head?” He questioned. “You should be more careful.” Alucard teased. 

“I didn’t hit my head.” I said flatly, not taking the joke. “I really mean it.” I said, looking up at him. 

“Are you sure?” He asked. 

“Take the compliment.” I ordered. 

 

“My apologies, thank you master.” Alucard spoke in a gentle tone.   
I folded my arms, and turned back to the window. I stepped in front of my servant, staring outside the sliver of the curtains. The sun now rose past the horizon. The afternoon was threatening its approach. Alucard put his hand on my shoulder, following my lead. 

“Do you do this often?” Alucard asked. 

“Sometimes, I prefer mornings.” I said. “It’s quiet, and I can relax before I really start the day.” 

“Being the head of the household isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, hm?” He spoke in a playful tone. 

“Heh- yeah.” I said. “I miss the days where I could just be in my room, listening to music for an infinite amount of time.” 

“I don’t understand today’s youth.” He chuckled. “Doing nothing but being in one’s room sound incredibly boring.” 

“I can deal without the back talk.” I said sternly. 

“I’m sorry.” He apologized. “My lips have seemed to escape me this morning.” 

“Backhanded insults are not acceptable.” I turned around, looking up at my servant. His face was fully lit by the sun. His face more pale than I had seen previously. Like a porcelain doll. My porcelain doll. “I don’t know what to do with you still.” 

“You could lock me away again.” He suggested, while tempting, I decided against it then and there. I wouldn’t be a cruel master. 

“I’m not sure about that…” I trialed off, walking past him, I stopped before the door, my hand on the threshold. I cocked my head to gaze upon my vampire. “Get some rest.” I ordered Alucard. He slowly takes his hat off, and bows. 

“Yes, my master.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is another short chapter! I hope you all enjoyed! A just a gentle reminder, any feedback is appreciated! I would really love to know what you all think!


	13. Choosing life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Integra makes a decision, and that decision is final.

I lay on my bed, the sound of a heart monitor bringing me to consciousness. My body stiff, and my limbs throbbed. I had become bed ridden finally. I had become thin and fragile, my body unregangible. My eyes sunken in, and my cheeks hollowed. I look that of my father, before his passing. He had died the same way, soon I will join him. I don’t have much time left on this earth, and honestly, i’m glad. I’m happy that my time has come to an end. The doors are closing, and I am satisfied. 

Everyone came by and said their goodbyes. Greg came last, barely said a thing, poor thing. He had known ever since he was an infant, I am the closest thing to a grandparent he had, and now, I am leaving him. 

“How long did they say you have?” He asks, shifting uncomfortably in chair next to my bed. I am propped up on a pillow, and my head is tilted back.

“Not long.” I say. “I’ll be gone before you know it.” I smile. 

“Don’t do that.” Greg says, frustrated. 

“Do what?” I ask. 

“Smile like that.” He explains. “This is no smiling matter.” 

“I can smile if I so please. It’s my death.” I growl. “I can be happy about not suffering anymore.” 

Gregory sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “I suppose so.” He then swallows. “It’ so strange, just two months ago, you were so healthy. Running circles around me, now look at you, brittle, hollow.” I hear his voice catch. “I’m sorry.. I just.” He trials off. I frown slightly, and reach out my hand, I stroke his chin. 

“Don’t be so sad.” I say, smiling at him like a mother would her son. “You’ll be great without me.” I praise. “It’s time to man-up, no more hiding behind mother’s skirt.” 

I see a single tear roll down his cheek. 

“Come.” I say, holding out my arms, I hold him in my arms. The hug lasts for awhile, my hand rubs his back as he quietly sobs into my neck. We did not breathe a word, we just held each other in silence. He is the one to break the embrace, sniffling, eyes red. 

“My apologies, sir.” Greg says, wiping his nose on his sleeve. “I didn’t mean to be so-” I wave my hand up, stopping him from speaking. 

“It is quite all right.” I excuse his behavior. I didn’t mind, I know I am hurting him. That’s something I couldn’t change. 

He gives me a weak smile, his tears drying. 

“I’m sorry.” I say. “I wish I could stay.” 

“I wish you could stay too.” 

 

 

 

 

Later that evening, Seras comes into my room, with a warm bowl of water, and a thick sponge. She brushes my hair first, putting up in a ponytail, getting it up and out of the way. She then dips the sponge in the bowl, then presses it to my neck. I make a low hum as the warm water runs down my neck to my collarbone. I shut my eyes and let her continue. 

Seras runs the sponge down my thin legs, wetting them as well. I readjusted myself to sit up. Seras undoes my gown, washing my stomach and chest gently before drying them. The sound sound that can be heard is my, hard, wheezing breath. My eyes watch her as she avoids my gaze. She has a hard frown on her face. She puts my gown back on trying on to jostle me around too much. She swallows, drying out the sponge, and disposing of it. She then sits next to me, her phantom arm flowing freely. She doesn’t look at me, it’s like i’m the most hideous creature she has ever seen. 

“What’s wrong?” I ask, snapping her attention to me. Her big red eyes blank, like a deer in headlights. 

“Nothing.” She says in a small voice. I hadn’t seen her like this in a long time, like her first night as an immortal. When Alucard carried her to me, showing me what he made, hoping I would approve. 

“I know something is wrong.” I say sternly, pursing my lips. “So tell me.” 

Seras’s eyes flutter, and her shoulders slump. “It's hard watching someone you care about wither into nothing.” She swallows. My mouth curves downward. Guilt hits my chest like a hummer. 

“Seras, you have to accept it. I’m going to die, and there is nothing-” I am cut off by a small outburst. 

“Well, you and I both know I’m not good at accepting things.” She growls, her phantom arm taking form, she crosses her arms against her chest. 

“Watch your tone.” I warn her, pressing my brows together. 

“It doesn’t have to be like this.” She says, her tone lighting to almost a plea. She stands up, leaning over me. Her eyes like that of a puppy. She takes my hand. “You don’t have to die, you don’t have to say goodbye to anyone, or give up anything, you don’t have to give up your organization, choose me, and you won’t have to leave.” She begs, my hand in hers. I give her a of pity. I breathe hard out of my nose. I feel the tears swelling behind my eyes, but none dare come out. How many times would have to break her heart? One last time, the one, and only last time.   
“So, what will it be? Sir…” She asks in a small voice. My fingers touch her chin. I swallow. 

“My Ser…” I chuckle softly. She shuts her eyes as my brittle hand caresses her jaw. “My one and only.” I continue my praise. She nods quickly, anticipating my answer. I can see her fangs ready, ready to claim me as hers. Her eyes glow, a pulsating red. She hovers above me, waiting for the 30 years or patience to pay off. But it can’t be, it can never be. I will stay human, and I will die a human. Maybe if I wasn’t a Hellsing, I could choose an eternal life of sin. Be with my vampires, in pleasures of the flesh. But, I am a Hellsing afterall. 

“I choose to live.” I say. “Can you accept that?” I ask. 

Seras’s face falls into a pit of despair. 

“I suppose, with time, l can.” She answers. 

“Good.” I say. Seras then climbs in next to me. She head weightless on my chest. She shuts her eyes as I pet her hair. 

“I’m going to miss this.” She speaks, her phantom arms coils around me like a warm blanket.

“I know you are.” I say, my weak heartbeat thudding against her chest. 

“I can sense it even now, your life slowly draining, it’s like musical torture.” She explains to me. I wonder for a moment, if Alucard is experiencing the same thing, maybe that’s why he’s been distancing himself from me. Or maybe he can’t wait for me to die so he can finally be free and destroy the world around him. 

“I can’t help it.” I say. My hand settling on the nape of her neck. “Don’t worry, you won’t be tortured much longer.” I say. Seras frowns. 

“Yeah, I know.” 

Seras kisses my jaw, then my ear. Again, my thoughts are brought back to Alucard. I wonder if he watching us right now, I wonder what he’s thinking. Come, come, come here, my servant. Say your goodbyes. But, he does not come, instead, Seras wraps around me like a vine, and I close my eyes.


	14. Sunrise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the sun rises, Alucard makes his presence known.

I feel the heat on my skin. My body slowly heating up from the light of the sun. It rises over me as I am laying in bed. I can’t move on my own anymore, I can’t stand, I can’t sit up, and I can’t roll over. Seras will not leave my side even for a moment. She is attached to me like glue. I don’t mind this of course. She is the only company I enjoy. But I can see, it is only torturing her to be around me so much. But, she makes it seem like if she takes her eyes off of me, even for a second, i’ll perish in that very moment. 

The sun reaches my window, and slow cooks me. My eyes dart around the room, my throat feeling dry. I swallow.

“Seras.” I call for her, my voice raspy. I see her appear in the corner, her eyes wide. 

“Yes sir?” Seras questions. 

“Could you get me a glass of water?” I ask, rather than demand. She frowns, but doesn’t say anything. She nods, and leaves. I sigh in relief. I live for these small moments of privacy. Just me, alone with my thoughts, well, sort of. I am never truly alone, not in this house. I feel my toes tingle, and the hairs on the back of my neck stand straight up. The lead in my veins begins to pulsate with a familiar feeling, and I know he is near. I turn my head, only to see him, standing there in the corner. His eyes are the only thing I notice. 

“What are you doing sulking in here?” I ask in a teasing tone. 

“I thought she would never leave.” Alucard says, stepping into view, he wasn’t wearing his coat. He looks so slender without it. He takes a seat next to me, his hand on my shoulder. “You look terrible.” He pokes fun at me, a grin on his face.   
“Aren’t you just a charmer.” I laugh, “I haven’t seen you in weeks, and this is how you greet me? Show some respect for your elders.” I scold. 

“Do forgive me, but it is difficult to see you in such a state.” He explains, slightly frowning. “I just wish I had more time.” He says, rubbing my shoulder. 

“You’re too late Alucard.” I say, adjusting my eye patch. 

“I know.” He says. “I’ll be forever in your debt.” He leans closer to me, the rising sun, silhouetting his form. 

“You weren’t already?” I tease him, chuckling. Alucard gives me a weak smile. “My death, means yours.” I state. “And once I draw my last breath, you shall return to dust, and dust you will forever be.” 

“Yeah, I know.” He speaks with an air of stiffness. 

“Are you okay with that?” I ask. He looks at my eye patch, his fingers delicately caressing it, until he slides his fingertips underneath and pulls it off my face. His thumb lightly traces the bag under my eye. 

“I think I can.” he says to me finally, his eyes looking me up and down. What is he looking at? What could he possibly be gawking at? I’m nothing but withered bones at this point. He leans further down, and kisses my dry, cracked lips. 

“Alucard, what are you doing?” I ask, impatiently. 

“I wanted a goodbye kiss.” He explains himself. I frown, the bottom of my lip twitching. 

“I’m sorry.” I apologize. 

“You’re apologizing for dying?” He questions me. 

“No.” I say, hard. “I don’t know…” I shake my head. I grab Alucard’s hand. His hand cool to the touch. 

“Then what are you apologizing for?” He asks. 

“I’m not… sure.” I answer, staring off into the distance, I squeeze his hand. He leans down once more, this time, he gets on the bed with me, laying next to me. The sun casting one side of his face in light, and the other side is cast in darkness. I can’t help but think this is somehow familiar. I swallow.   
“Alucard.” I whisper. 

“Yes?” He questions. I don’t say anything, but I lean in, and kiss him. I pull away, rubbing the back of his head. He smiles at me softly, and I smile back weakly. I hear a slight shift in the air, and I snap my head towards the shift. It’s Seras, staring at us both, wide eyes, a glass of water in her hand. It begins to shake as her grip tightens on the glass. 

“Am I interrupting something?” Seras asks. Her voice tense. I try to sit up, but pain strikes my back, and I forced to stay put. Alucard gazes at her calmly. 

“No.” He answers her, calmly. “I was just keeping her company while you were gone.” He continues, petting my hair. I swallow, my throat aching for the glass of water in her hand. I slowly reach out for the glass. Seras’s eyes stare me down hard, but her look softens, and she slowly wakes towards us, she crouches down, and hands me my glass. I shakely take a sip, Alucard holds his finger at the bottom of my glass, steading it. I gulp it until there is none left. I sigh in satisfaction, and turn my head to Seras. 

“Thank you, Seras.” I say, a small smile curves my lips. She gives me a weak one back, giving Alucard a suspicious look. He grins by my ear, staring her down. He didn’t seem angry. 

“Is there anything else you need?” Seras asks me. I shake my head. 

“No, I don’t need anything.” I say, in the lightest tone I could muster. 

“May I go?” She asks. 

“Yes.” I dismiss her, and she walks out of the room. Alucard embraces me as she leaves. 

“She’s jealous.” Alucard says. “I’m quite honored.” He says. I furrow my brows together. 

“Honored?” I question, confused. 

“She is far superior to me in your eyes, isn’t she?” 

I give him a puzzling look. What on earth is he on about? Superior? To him. They are equal in my eyes. They held the same place in my heart and mind, there was no competition. Besides, we weren’t anything, despite the physical contact. My vampires and I, at least alucard and I, knew what we were. We have a hunger that can never satisfied. We know of our boundaries. We know I will die soon, and die human too. Maybe, since I am going to die anyway, I could experience something all humans experience, even in my sickly state. Could I take it? Would he break my hips? My ribs? Would he be gentle? 

“You’re funny, Integra.” Alucard chuckles. His arms around me. 

 

“Reading my thoughts?” I ask. He nods. I groan. “Some things never change I suppose.” I shrug.   
“I’m sorry, does it bother you?” He asks. I shake my head. 

 

“No, it doesn’t, i’m too old, and too sick to care.” I cough, Alucard takes a tissue from the stand next to my bed, handing it to me. I take it, thanking him. I cough up dark blood into the tissue. My chest hurts as I cough, my burn feels dry again. But I didn’t dare ask for more water. I just coughed until the feeling subsided. Alucard takes the tissue out of my hand, standing up from my bed, throwing the tissue away. He stands against the sunlight again. I look at him, weakly. 

 

For some reason, I feel as if, this is my last day. My last sunrise. He will be the last thing I see. Which, i am okay with. But, I can’t die yet, not yet. I need Seras, I need her here. With me, with us.


	15. Last Breath: Seras

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Integra fades away, Seras is at a loss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little warning, this chapter is very heavy. Still I hope you guys enjoy!

I look at her, my master’s master. She didn’t talk anymore, her voice, along with her body, had withered into nothing. Her skin loose around her body. Her eyes sunken in, her jaw stuck out. Her hand weakly inches over to mine as I sit next to her. I didn’t want to leave her side, not for a moment. She is reaching her final hours. I feel it, in her heart, in her breath. Her heart barely making a sound underneath all of the machines she is attached too. I grab her hand, holding it gently, every part of her body looks as if a breeze would kill her.  
Integra’s eyes look over at me, she’s thinking something, but I didn’t have the ability to read minds, like my master. She makes a small course noise, her throat moving up and down, trying to find the strength to speak. Her hand lays in mine, still, and cold. 

“Seras.” She says, barely audible. I lean in, nodding. “Can you open up my blinds?” She asks. I nod, letting go of her hand, and opening the blinds. The sun is setting, it barely peeks over the horizon as it slips under. I sit back down next to Integra, she holds out her hand, and I take it.  
“Thank you.” She says, smiling weakly, her eyes half shut. Her smile fades, and her mouth opens to speak, but she says nothing.  
Alucard would be awake soon, and I would be forced to leave him alone with her. Not that he wants me to leave, I just couldn’t deal. I guess I shouldn’t leave. Her death ment his. 

“What is it?” I ask her. 

“Nothing.” Her voice cracks. “I’m just tired.” She says. 

“Then go to sleep.” I say, sitting on the edge of her bed. 

“Not that tired.” She says, swallowing. I peer at her, her chest rising and falling, her breathing heavy as she struggles for oxygen. I wish I could make it better, if she would let me, I could take all her pain away. I want nothing more. 

She went silent, and I feel myself sweat, but I can still hear her heartbeat, and that puts me at ease. She shuts her eyes, and her hands gently lay on her chest. 

“Seras.” She says, opening her eyes again, lifting up her head with all her strength. Her eyes wide. 

“Yes?” 

“What day is it?” She asks. 

“It’s wednesday.” I answer. 

“Really?” She quirks up her brow up just barely, I see the corners of her mouth curl upward tightly. “That’s interesting.” 

“Why is that interesting?” I ask. 

“My father died on a wednesday.” She says, struggling to sit up. I quickly move to her side, adjusting her pillow, and gently moving her upward. Integra clears her throat. 

“Thank you.” She says, swallowing dryly. 

“You’re welcome.” I say, sitting at the foot of her bed again. I gaze at her now, her jaw a perfect boney triangle,her eyes hollow and dark. Her eyepatch tight against her sunken face. She looks so tiny in her bed. She barely ate anything, and what she could keep down, wasn’t much. I couldn’t force her to eat. That would only cause her more pain. She smiles at me. 

“Seras…” She reaches for me, her hand outstretched to me. I scoot to her, and gently grab it, setting it on my lap. Her hand lands gently on my cool cheek. Her smile fades, and I feel dread in the pit of my stomach. “I’m sorry.” She tells me. 

My eyes flicker, and I cock my head. “What?” I mouth. 

“I’m sorry.” She repeats herself. “For the way things turned out, I know what I did wasn’t right… It wasn’t fair to you.” 

“What are you talking about?” I ask genuinely. 

“When he came back.” She says. “I cast you aside for my own selfish reasons.” She slowly begins to stroke my cheek with her fingertips. “I can’t tell you how sorry I truly am, and now that I going to die…” She continues speaking, but it is drowned out by my own anger and sadness. I wasn’t even angry about that really, at least, not anymore. She is throwing it all away, she could have life times upon life times with me, and him. Of course, I wasn’t so different from her. I too had a man that I couldn’t let go of, that lingers in my being, in my soul. I had done the same to Pip as she had done to me, serves me right. 

“I don’t care!” I scream, standing up, tossing her hand down. I hear a surprised gasp escape Integra. “I don’t care about that!” I pant, frustration building, my fists clenched. 

_‘Don’t Seras.’ _I hear Pip’s voice calling out to me. _‘She doesn’t want to.’_ He says to me. _‘She will never be a vampire.’_ He scolds me. He’s been saying that over 30 years. __

______“Can’t you see you dying is killing me? It kills me to see you like this!” I yell. “I can’t take it! I don’t care what your feelings are towards him! Just…” I feel unwanted tears pull downward from my eyes, and I turn away from her._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Seras…” Integra says smoothly. “My Seras.” I turn my head to see her smiling gently, her hand reaches for me again. “Don’t be sad. Please don’t weep for me.” She begs delicately. I turn back around completely. “Don’t cry vampire.” She orders me, and I nod. Trying to stop the tears._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Okay.” I say weakly. I grab her hand, holding it to my chest._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Good.” She says, blinking slowly. She stares at me, smiling still, her eyes bright, smiling along with her lips. She gently pats my chest. “Good, good girl.” She continues, her grip getting weaker. She stares at me, her eyes slowly becoming stiff, and her smile turning into a straight line. Her eyes stare at me, void of any signs of life. Her heart still, and her chest unmoving. Her hand drops limply in my lap. My jaw drops, my eyes wide. I quickly stand, grabbing her shoulders, shaking her. Panic sets in. No, no! This couldn’t be happening! No!_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Integra!” I yell, panicked. Her eyes just stare at me, growing darker by the second. I want to run and get master, but there is no time for that. I quickly slide her down, laying her flat on her bed. My hands in the middle of her sternum. I begin to do chest compressions, trying hard not to break her bones with my strength. Her, limp, lifeless body shakes with each compression. I feel the heat slowly leaving her body as I continue to try and save her. Her eyes continue to stare at me, waiting for me to give in, to give up. But I didn’t and I won’t. I feel the tears bubbling up to the surface, overflowing. “Integra!” I cry out painfully so, as if she would hear me. Begging her to come back to me, to us. I continue to do compressions, but her body just lays there, like a doll. My hands eventually stop and I finally give up. I back away slowly, gazing at her body. After 30 years, her body is completely silent. I go to scream, but no sound comes out. I am far too stunned._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Integra…” I moan painfully. “Please don’t do this to me…” I hover over her, stroking her still cheeks. My tears falling on her face. “Please, Integra, Please…” I beg. I sniffle, petting her brittle hair. “Please…” I mouth. I lean down and kiss her forehead. “Please.” I whisper to her, but she just lies there. I swallow, clenching my jaw. I know there is only one thing I can do, the one thing she told me not to. I highly doubt it would work. Integra is a virgin, I could do it, here, right now._ _ _ _ _ _

_______‘Don’t Seras!’_ Pip voice yells at me. But I brush it off. My teeth sink into her neck, and her blood spills into my mouth. I slowly begin drinking. My mark now on her forever. __ _ _ _ _

_________‘Stop!’_ Pip yells. _‘What are you doing? She’s already dead!’_ ____ _ _ _ _

____________I pull away, after I had drank all of her blood. Two bite marks marrying her neck, that meant she is mine, and mine alone._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________And now, I could hear it, her body slowly becoming reanimated. The change is going to happen._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	16. Rebirth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Integra falls into darkness, then wakes with brand new eyes.

I feel my body being thrusted into a blissful darkness, as my heart stops in my chest. I hear Seras’s voice calling for me, but as I go deeper and deeper into the surrounding darkness, her voice slowing fades. And I feel all alone. My ears ring loudly and I try to cover them. But My arms wouldn’t budge. My body frozen in a lake of blackness. I feel myself drowning, the loud ringing in my ears increases, and my head feels as if it is going to crack under the pressure of the darkness. I fall deeper and deeper until my body feels as if it is going to snap in half. I try to push back, I try to fight it, but it takes me anyway, despite my efforts. I collapse underneath the pressure.I feel my physical form go limp. All the noise and pressure cease, and I am left to float endlessly. 

_Nothing…._

__

_Black…_

__

_Hm…_

I like this feeling, no more pain, no more noise. The endless nothing slowly turns into into endless bliss. Is this really death? Is this really what it feels like to be dead? No heaven? No hell? Just nothing? Was my god false all along? Or is this just purgatory, and god is making me repent for all of my sins before I enter his kingdom. Whatever the case, I am powerless to stop it. But all of this is short lived.

Soon I start to feel again, my body tingling, and my heart starts beating again, very hard, it makes a loud thudding sound in my ears. My chest feels as if it’s being pounded on, hard and fast. My lungs being squished under a different kind of pressure, like hands. I count the seconds passing by each push. 

_12… 18… 37… 57…._

__

__

_Oh god… it won’t stop… 123… 177… Oh… oh…_

Just when I think it is over, I feel a sharp pain in my neck. I try to scream, but nothing escapes me. I try to claw at the pain but I know the attempt is useless. I try to kick and scream, and push the pain away from me but whatever metaphorical limbs I am using, still had no effect. I feel myself quickly being brought back to a state of conscious. My eternal blackness slowly slipping away from me as I am pulled back to the surface of life. My surroundings quickly becoming things I had all seen before. My first steps, my father’s gentle words as he passed before my eyes. My uncle pointing his gun in my face just before I am saved by my vampire Alucard.  
Everything slows and I am forced to sit through everything. All of my pain. All of my happiness. I see all of my memories, all of my mistakes, all of my sins. My victories and failures. Everything flashes before my eyes, until I see my death. Seras being the last thing I see before everything dissipates. 

My heart starts to beat within my chest. It beats with a quickness I have never felt before. Everything becomes clear. My head begins to pound along with my heart.  My eyes are closed tightly, and I feel my eyes dart back and forth on their own. I feel like an infection is taking over my body, making changes without my consent. I try to fight it, my hands grasping whatever bedding is underneath me. Where am I? I pant involuntarily, my body convulsing violently as I try to shake of the infection that is rapidly taking over me. I want to scream. I want for this… feeling to go away. I feel my lips tremble as I try to speak. It is unsuccessful. But Suddenly, I am very aware of my surroundings. I hear footsteps walking down a long hall. A deep voice speaking my name. The sound of birds chirping outside. Day time. 

My breathing slows as my heart beat does, and my panic slows into non existence. My heart continues to slow down, slower and slower, until… it stops. Instead of being plunged into darkness again, I stay conscious. My body still. I become aware that I can move, but I do not dare open my eyes. I wrinkle my nose, and twitch my upper lip. My throat burns with a thirst that is so intense I thought someone had burned my throat. I press my brows together. I swallow, but that brings no relief. 

My eyes flutter open, and I gasp. Everything… is so… clear. I slowly sit up, expecting pain, but surprisingly nothing. I feel full of energy. Despite how I felt just a few hours ago. Did I really escape death? Was I given blood again? Was I saved from my death by vampire blood? Was it just a cheap way to buy me more time? Whatever the case, it worked.  I need to find Alucard and Seras. I need them to know I am okay, and whatever they did saved my life. I quickly stand. Feeling surprisingly strong. I take in my surroundings. I’m in a small room, with a bed, and dresser. A small window above me brings in light from the sun. I see all the tiny dust particles float in it. Everything around me crisp and clear. I can taste the air too. Stale and bland. I furrow my brow, strange. I hear voices coming from upstairs. Voices of hushed panic. Voices of worry and dread. Mens voices, scared and trembling. I couldn’t make out what they are, but they’re tones send chills down my spine. 

I look over in the corner of the bedroom, a small mirror leans against the wall. I approached it slowly, cautiously. I shut my eyes, before stepping in front of it. I take a deep breath, which seems to be needless. I open my eyes. 

Two big red orbs stare back at me. My face full and healthy, my body filled out and proportioned. My eyes stare into the unfamiliar woman in the mirror. I touch my chest, no beating heart lies beneath my rib cage. I touch my burning throat.  I have been saved. By being damned. Damned to hell. 

Despite my new status, I feel complete, I feel resolved. I have been turned into everything I have been fighting against my entire life. Everything I have been taught to hate, to despise. 

I need to find Seras and Alucard… 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! I've been busy! Plus I wanted to write some other things! But I did not forget about you guys! Hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	17. Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Integra must now accept what she has become.

I walk through the halls with brand new eyes, everything familiar, yet somehow more defined. The walls bleed dust and letterings I had never noticed before. I can see every particle, every hair, every crack. My mind overrun with my senses. My eyes wide with wonder. 

I take in a long, needless breath that lead to my still lungs. They felt hard like stone in my chest. In fact, all of my insides feel like stone. They ache and throb, burning with a powerful hunger in the pit of my stomach. I know what I will have to do to satisfy this hunger, I will have to feed. 

I shake my head, I still need to find them, my vampires. I continue to search for them, still roaming, helplessly through my home. I heard the sounds of people, and yet, I find no one. The voices move around my mansion, it sounds like two men. 

I find my way to the dining room, it’s empty. I press my brows together. I turn back around, going back to the basement. Maybe if I just stay still, they would come to me. I open the door, only to find Alucard standing by the bed, his eyes gazing down at the empty space where my body inhabited hours ago. 

 

His red eyes flickered upward to me, his face in shock upon seeing my form. I could see every detail of his face, which I once thought to be smooth. I saw imperfections no human eye could catch. But despite that, I still thought him beautiful. 

“Alucard.” I say, stepping towards him. He stands, stiff, his jaw clenched. 

“Integra.” His says, his voice shaken. I stand in front of him, his eyes locked on only me. “Integra.” He repeats, his voice and eyes soften. 

“Did you do it?” I ask. He doesn’t answer, and avoids my gaze. “Alucard.” I speak with more intensity. He turns away from me.   
“I thought you’d still be asleep.” He says. 

“Alucard.” I keep repeating his name. “Alucard, look at me.” 

He turns his head, one red eye glowing. “What?” He says, his voice lowly. I press my lips into a hard line. 

“Who did this?” I ask, clenching my fists. He still didn’t answer me. I grab his arm, forcing his body to turn to me completely. I almost gasp at my own strength. Alucard even looks surprised at my new found abilities. 

He slowed, his eyes look almost terrified. I only turned him around. 

“Who did this to me!” I yell, my eyes feel as if they are on fire. My hand gripping his wrist hard, jerking him downward. 

“I didn’t do it!” He yelled back, yanking his arm back. Alucard stood, towering over me, his eyes pulsating crimson. I do not back down. Our eyes locked in a dance of intimation. I am truly his equal now. His blood that flowed in me, now it could be put to good use. I could take him.

What is this? 

 

What am I doing? 

 

I swallow, stepping back, my eyes softening. I relax my stance. He does the same. I could never hurt him. 

I turn around. “Do you know happened?” I ask. My voice shaken. I hear Alucard breathe hard out his nostrils. “Tell me Alucard. Tell me now.” I demand. 

“You died, and,” He paused. “Seras found it appropriate to, turn you.” He explained stiffly.

My eyes flickered, my unbeating heart sank deeper into my chest. “What?” I mouth. I turn to face him again. His eyes full of guilt. “How is that even possible?” I hiss. 

“I didn’t want this to happen.” He blurted out. “It’s not what you wanted.” He said, his teeth clenched. 

“That doesn’t answer my question.” I snap, “How is this even possible?” 

“I don’t know.” He says honestly, he eyes pleading me to believe him. 

My face settles, and I fold my arms. I see him relax. His eyes boring into my own. I see his flaws, the lines under his eyes, the thinness of his jaw. 

“Integra.” Alucard said, his voice lowly. 

“Yes?” I say. 

“How do you feel?” He asks. 

“I don’t know.” I answer honestly, unfolding my arms. I didn’t know how I should feel, I didn’t feel any distain looking in that mirror, I didn’t feel disgusted with myself, I didn’t feel angry, I didn’t feel hurt, or betrayed. I feel and felt at ease. I became something I had fought against my entire life, and the worst thing is, I don’t care in the end. Now that the choice was already made for me, I must bask in it. I must accept it. 

 

“You don’t know?” He questions me. “You seemed angry just seconds ago.” He adds, his face twisted in confusion. 

“I’m not angry.” I say. “I’m not…” I clench my teeth. Alucard peers at me curiously. I relax my jaw, and give him a look of sorrow. 

“It’s what you always wanted isn’t it?” He questions, but sure of his words. 

I say nothing, I don’t answer, instead I turn my back to him. He was right, I said I wanted to live and I got my wish. 

“Integra.” Alucard says softly, putting his hand on my shoulder, trying to turn me around. I don’t let him. “Integra.” he begs. I swallow, my throat dry and it aches. I sigh, slowly turning around, my eyes avoid his. His arms wrap around me slowly, locking me in his embrace. I did not pull away, I let it happen. His body temperature was warm like a human. He and I are the same temperature now. I find my hands going up his back as I sink deeper into his embrace. We hold each other hard, I hold him to me with my new found strength, but he didn’t seem to be bothered. I feel him hold onto me with his strength as well, like I would run away if he let go. I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t dare. I feel unwarranted tears pull at my eyes, but I hold them in. Even now, I couldn’t show my weaknesses in front of Alucard. I have to be strong now, stronger than I was before. 

I have to be a vampire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey sorry for the long wait, but here it is! Hope you all enjoyed this little chapter!


	18. Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Integra forgives and makes plans

I see her, tiny, scared, standing behind the door. I hadn’t seen her like this in decades. She stares at me, eyes full of fear and regret. I stare at her expressionless. 

“I can see you.” I say at the shrunken draculina, “You can come out.” 

I see her blink, stepping out from the door, she looks so pitiful before me. 

“Where’s Alucard?” she asks me. 

“He went to sleep.” I answer. 

“Oh.” She says, her hair in her eyes. 

“Come.” I order her, and she follows, her hands together. I press my lips into a hard line, my eyes wide as she approached me. I wasn’t as angry as I should be. I should kill her, tear her into tiny little pieces, but I have no desire too. I love her, no matter what she did to me, I will always love her. 

“Yes sir?” She asked, her eyes still hidden by her blonde strands. 

“Look at me.” I demand, my fingers caressing her chin, forcing her to look up at me. 

“Seras Victoria.” I say, my voice stern. Her eyes go wide, and her mouth drops open. She looks so studdened, so shocked at what she had created. “Why did you do it?” I ask her, my eyes half closed. The spark in her eyes quickly vanished at my question. She looks downward again. I raise my eyes, waiting for her answer. 

“Because, I couldn’t see you die like that.” She said, her voice small. I narrow my eyes as I gaze downward at her. “I couldn’t watch you die from something I could fix.” She looked up at me. The corners of my mouth twitched. 

“I see.” I say, removing my hand from her jaw. I turn away, walking to the bed I had awaken on. I sat on the end, tracing the sewing patterns on the covers. “I just wanted to know.” I say. I hear Seras walk over to me, I feel the bed shift as she sits down next to me. 

“I’m sorry.” Seras said, her voice course, her hand on my shoulder, trying to get me to turn around. I didn’t. 

“I know.” I said apathetically, “I know you are.” 

“Are you angry with me?” Seras asks, her arm slowly snaking its way around my shoulder, her mouth close to my ear. 

“Yes.” I say, crossing my arms. “I’m not something thing for you to save. I didn’t need saved. Or fixed as you called it. I was perfectly happy dying. But you…” I trialed off. 

 

Seras moved away from me. 

“But you didn’t give me a choice.” I finish. “I have to accept this now, I can’t die like a coward, I can’t shrink away from something I have been called to do, whether I want to, or otherwise.” I explain. “This is what you have done to me. Do you understand what you have done?” I ask, turing to her. 

“I understand.” She says lowly. Her face is hidden in her hair again. I grab her jaw, forcing her to look at me, my eyes piercing into hers. 

“Do you?” I ask, “Do you really?” 

Seras quickly nods, her brows pressed together. “I didn’t want to lose you.” She tries to justify her actions.   
“That shouldn’t matter, that’s a part of life, you lose things. That’s what happens.” 

“Well, i’m not alive, and neither are you.” Seras spoke sternly. “So there is nothing to lose now.” 

My eyes go wide, and I let go of her jaw. I lower my head, shaking it slowly. My hands rested on my lap. 

“You shouldn’t have.” Is all I say, letting up my head. My eyes bore into hers, begging, for something, I don’t know what. 

“You’re beautiful.” Seras complimented. I sighed. 

“Seras.” I say, gripping her wrist gently. “Enough.” 

 

She removes her wrist from my grasp, and instead holds my hand. I look down at my lap again. Our skin melds together, as our temperature is shared. Seras gazes at our hands. 

“I love you.” She admits. 

“I know.” I say, removing my hand from hers. I turn from her, and stand, my hands behind my back. I hear her stand up along with me, she put her fingers on my shoulders. 

“I’ll spend eternity trying to prove it to you.” Seras said, her voice choked. I turn around, my brow pressed together. I let her arms wrap around my neck. My hands lay dead at my side. Her eyes, red and teary. I frown, knowing I would forgive her. I love her. I always have. She wouldn’t be another scar left behind by trauma, even if she caused it. I feel my hands rest on her sides. 

“Good.” I say, leaning in for a kiss. Our lips connect, softly, gently. I knew this was coming. I am far too weak to stay angry with her. I need her now, I always needed her, and I know that. 

We sink deeper into each other’s arms, and we sit back down on the bed. 

 

 

 

I awoke with the moonlight shining directly over my head. Seras lays in my arms, her cheek against my left breast. She stirs, rubbing her legs on me. Both our bodies locked in an intimate bind. She has a slight smile on her face. And I feel pleased with myself. I had never done anything like that before. It felt amazing. I pet Sera’s head as she yawns, her eyes flutter open. She chuckles, kissing my nose. 

“Good evening.” I greet her. Seras says nothing, but kisses me again. My hand rests on the small of her back. 

“Good evening.” She finally says. 

“How was your nap?” I ask. 

“It was fine.” Seras answers. I kiss her temple, and she chuckles. My fingers gently caress her shoulders as she readjusts herself. We lay in silence for awhile. Our bodies lazily in each other’s arms. I almost drifted off to sleep again, but I am kept awake by the light of the moon. Almost like it was consciously trying to keep me awake. 

I heard the floor creek, and I look towards the noise. I see Alucard standing in the door frame. His eyes glowing taking in our forms.   
“Am I interrupting something?” Alucard asks, raising an eyebrow. 

“No.” Seras answers first, we both get under the covers, still our arms wrapped around each other. I see Alucard press his lips into a hard line. His eyes narrowed in on us. But he didn’t seem angry, he seems curious. 

“We just woke up.” I answer, sitting up, removing myself from Seras. I see her give me a slight frown. 

“I see.” Alucard says, folding his arms. “Well, when you fully wake up, there are some people upstairs that would like to speak with you.” He said, his voice crisp. I blink, sitting up. I know who they are. I stand, my body in full view. Alucard blinked, and shook his head, he looks over in the corner of the room, avoiding my figure. I still stand straight. 

“I’ll be up in a little bit.” I say, my hands on my hips. Alucard nods before turning around. 

“Okay.” Is all he says before leaving. Giving Seras and I a chance to dress. We both dress, she eats, I watch. My mouth waters as I see her drink from the medical pack in her hand. But I resist the urge to steal it. I swallow, and look out the window towards the ceiling. The moon is now covered by a thick layer of clouds. I feel Sera’s hands sneak onto my shoulders, her arms wrapping around my neck. 

“Are you ready?” Seras asks. I nod before removing myself from her arms. I walk up stairs, taking my time. The air to the upstairs is warm and inviting It puts me at ease. 

I listen for the voices and heart beats of those who wish to speak with me. I recognize the smell of one of them. It’s Greg. I can smell his nervousness. Strange, I never thought I could smell a feeling before. I slowly, and silently enter my old office, to find Greg, his hands behind his back, his eyes full of worry. I press my brows together. 

“Greg.” I say, my voice calm. I see him jump at little at the sound of my voice before he turns around. His eyes go wide upon seeing me. 

“You-” He chokes up, “You look so-” He pauses, nervously, “Different.” He then clears his throat, blinking rapidly. “I’m sorry, I just-” 

“That’s enough.” I say, holding up my hand. I give him a smile to put him at ease. He runs his fingers through his hair, his lips twitch upward, trying to grin. 

“So, you’re alive.” He chuckles in disbelief. 

“I wouldn’t quite say that.” I say, clasping my hands together. 

“Yeah.” He said, almost confused. “That’s the problem.” He pauses. “You aren’t dead.” He says, his voice hard. “And that certainly changes things.” 

“If it were up to me, I would be dead.” I say, folding my arms, leaning to one side. 

Greg swallows, “I understand, but since you aren’t, we have to change a few things.” He says. “Since you never signed our agreement stating I would take over Hellsing, you are still the director, and the rightful owner.” 

“You are primary beneficiary, that was already set in stone from our verbal contract.” I say. 

“Well,” He says weary, stretching the back of his head. “The Round Table doesn’t seem to think so, you are still in charge of Hellsing.” 

“But, I am an undead.” I say. 

“That doesn’t mean anything.” Greg say, rubbing his chin. “You being a vampire changes nothing, and that is the biggest problem.” He breathes hard out of his nose. I twitch my upper lip. 

“I see.” I say, “Then if it changes nothing, then how should we go from here?” I ask. 

“We have advised a plan that should work.” Greg says hopeful. “I will be the pseudo director of the Hellsing Organization.” 

I blink. “What?”

“You will still oversee all decisions made that involve Hellsing, but I will be the face.” 

Really? This is their great plan? They should just kill me off. Then again, who would control Seras? Certainly not Alucard, or Penwood. Maybe it would be in their best interest to keep me alive. 

“So, can you agree to those terms?” Greg asks, still his eyes hopeful. 

“Yes.”


	19. The Cliff

I stood upon a cliff, the wind blowing through my thin wisps of hair. The air is cool for a late spring. The air smelled of salt and rock. I watch the waves crash against the the rocks below me. How easy would it be to just free fall, to experience the bridge all over again. But this time, I wouldn’t be saved, no butler, no vampire would save me. I would just sink to the bottom. Vampires couldn’t swim in running water. 

I ran here, all the way to Scotland. I don’t know where I am exactly, but I have a good idea. I swallow, still watching the waves crashing below me. I didn’t tell anyone where I was going, I just left. The sky is bruised purple and grey. I sit on the cliff, my legs dangling off the edge. My hands behind me, supporting my weight. I sit there for awhile, the sky turning black. The night now swallowing the sky whole. I wonder how long it would for people to notice that i’m missing. Not long if Alucard is awake. Seras might come after me herself. I frown at the thought. Maybe I should go back, it didn’t take me too long to get here. It was the first time that I ever used my vampire abilities truly, I like running. I can run forever without breaking a sweat, without getting tired. It felt like going the speed of light, the world swooshed past me as I went. I saw every detail, every partial, despite my speed. 

“Integra.” I recognize Alucard’s voice come from behind me. I don’t turn around. 

“What is it?” I ask, irritated. “Is the world burning once more? Or are you just concerned?” 

“My apologies, my countess.” Alucard paused. “I figured you would like some company while you sit.” 

“Did you follow me here?” I ask, now uninterested. 

“Yes.” He admits, I hear him approach me, he bends down, and sits. “I am surprised you didn’t sense me near you.” 

I turn my head to gaze at him, I can see the lines under his eyes. He looks tired. His eyes glow a dull orange. 

“I wasn’t paying attention.” I say quickly, lowly. 

“Ah, I see.” He chuckles. “Why did you come here?” Alucard asks me. 

“I wanted to run.” I say, talking felt like more effort than it was worth. 

“Hm.” Alucard gave me a slight nod. I turn my head back to the ocean. We sit in silence. The night became cooler, while it didn’t bother me, it certainly is noticeable. Things like temperature didn’t bother me much anymore. I didn’t crave food, or even comfort. All I need is blood and sleep. 

“Why did you want to run?” Alucard asks, curiously. 

“Not sure.” I shrug, “Maybe to see how far I could go.” 

“It’s hard to go far being trapped on an island.” He says, I can sense him grin. I say nothing back, I feel his grin disappear. I turn my head to see him again, I continue to stare for awhile. Alucard blinks, and turns his head to look at me. “What is it?” He asks. I reach out for him, my thumb gently caresses the line under his left eye. Alucard tilts his head, giving me a strange look. 

I give him a slight smile. “I like the lines under your eyes.” I admit. He smiles, I see a slight blush underneath his near translucent skin. In fact the more I stared at him, the more I noticed how see through he really was. I blink. Vampires were just as imperfect as humans. I never really looked for Seras’s imperfections. I never felt the need. Maybe she does it to me, maybe Alucard does it too.   
Alucard quickly turns his head away from me, seeming embarrassed. I take my hand away from his cheek. My brows pressed together. “What’s wrong?” I ask. 

“Nothing.” He says, “Nothing at all.” He swallows loudly. 

“Something is.” I say sternly, folding my arms. 

“You’re hard to read.” He admits to me. Well that didn’t take long. I cock my head, still looking at him. 

“What do you mean?” I ask. 

“Ever since you’ve been turned, your thoughts, you’re senses, your feelings, I can’t read anymore, I always thought it would be easier to read you if you were ever turned, but…” Alucard trailed off. I breathe hard out of my nose. 

“What the hell does that mean?” I question. Alucard finally turns to me. 

His eyes mellow, his expression calm. 

“It means, you’re untouchable, unreachable to me.” He explains. “Which only makes my frustration greater.” He pauses, “My blood is settled in your bones, yet that does not make a difference, not even slightly.” He sighs. 

“Maybe I don’t want you in my head.” I state firmly. 

“You never seemed to care before.” He says, smirking. I twitch my upper lip, and whined back my hand, turning into it into fist, then I land a light punch on his shoulder. I watch him fly into the air before his body landed, skidding and sliding across the moist, night ground. I get up in a state of total shock. My eyes widen on his form, laying still in the grass. 

“Alucard!” I yell for him. He doesn’t move. I run over to him as quick as I could. He lays, face down, unmoving. I didn’t expect that I had hit him that hard, I guess I still haven’t learned my known strength. “Alucard!” I yell again, still he lay. I tap him with my foot. Nothing. I lean down, shaking him. 

“Alucard!” I speak with panic in my voice. He raises his head quickly with a twisted grin on his face. I stand up, gasping. 

“Asshole!” I scold him, “I thought I hurt you!” I continue, folding my arms. Alucard began to laugh. I watch him stand up slowly, his eyes on only me. The grin on his lips getting wider, he looks almost thrilled. 

“That was amazing!” he exclaimed, taking me by the shoulders. I pull myself out of his grasp. 

“What the hell are you on about?” I growl, my brows low. 

“You’re strength! It’s incredible for a vampire that has never drank blood!” He laughs, his expression calming. “You’re amazing.” He tells me. I step back, my hand to my chest. 

He slowly reaches for me, his hand sliding underneath mine, gently laying on my sternum. “My Integra.” He smirks, “Just with no heartbeat.” 

I narrow my eyes, I stare at him with fierce, unforgiving eyes. But his expression stays the same. Eventually this gets to me, and I soften my expression as well. 

“I’m not yours.” I speak lowly. 

“Fair enough.” He shrugs, removing his hand. I swallow, still staring at him. He lowers his eyes, with a pathetic smile on his face. He looks so pitiful now, standing there. I soften my eyes even more. 

“I mean,” I pause, and Alucard lifts up his head, he gazes at me, curious. “I mean, I can’t be yours.” I speak clearly. “It wouldn’t be right.” 

Alucard nods slowly. “I understand.” He said, seeming done with the subject, but not hostile. Silence falls over us. We didn’t look at each other, I feel heat rise in my chest, and blood flush my cheeks. I am somehow embarrassed. 

“Integra.” He speaks gently. My gaze takes in his image. I see a grin take over his lips. His eyes turning a dark red. I take a step back. “If you wouldn’t mind, could you throw me again?” 

 

I blink, what on earth? 

“How hard did you hit your head?” I ask, genuinely. He laughs, his voice deep and hollow. “I’m serious!” I snap. 

“I want to see your strength.” he confesses to me. I snorted, still not believing him. 

“You’re funny.” I say, leaning to the side. He grabs my wrist. I give him a questionable look. “What?” I mouth.

“Come on, please?” he begs, playfully. I narrow my eyes at him, what kind game is he playing? He places my hand against his chest. I feel the corners of my mouth curl upward. His hand caresses mine. 

All right fine. 

I flatten my palm on his chest, rubbing it slightly. Then, I lightly pressed my fingers to his sternum, I see his eyes go wide as he skids back at least 30 meters away. Once he stops, he laughs with joy. I smirk before running towards him, it only took me a second before my foot met Alucard’s stomach. He made a loud grunting sound before his body flew up into the air, I watch him fall and hit the ground rolling, he went about another 20 meters before fully stopping. He got up quickly, still grinning like a mad man. 

“Come my countess! Show me what you can do with my power within you!” He demands of me. A loud snarl rips through my teeth as I crouch then lunge towards him. I feel heat explode in my chest as my hands grab Alucard by the shoulders, and I shove him hard, I watch him slide away from me, his feet still attached to the ground. As he continues to slide, his eyes never leave mine, our gazes lock on each other. My eyes burn red hot, and excitement stirs in the pit of my stomach. Eventually Alucard stops sliding, and he falls forward, his hands stopping him from falling all the way down. He stands, far away. His hands clenched against his legs. He tilts his head, waiting for me, expecting. But before I start to lunge towards him, he starts to run to me instead. I gasp as his hands grab my clothing before tossing me into the air. I let out a loud yelp before being thrown upward. I feel the wind rush past my ears. I turn to look downward my eyes wide. Alucard looks so tiny from my position in the sky. I keep going upward, until my count became so tiny I could barely make him out anymore. But, eventually I stopped going upward and I begin fall towards the earth. I shut my eyes tightly, holding my arms against my body as I braced for impact. I bite my bottom lip as I feel the ground approaching, faster and faster. But before I hit the ground, two long arms caught me. I open my eyes. Alucard’s eyes gaze down at me. My eyes widen, I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. He holds my tightly. 

“Sorry.” He grins. 

“You’re not sorry.” I say. 

“You’re right.” He says back, still grinning. 

I stay in his arms a little while longer. He could hold me in his arms forever if he so wished. But, that wouldn’t be right. 

“You can set me down now.” I say. Alucard nods, and puts me down gently. 

“Did you have fun?” He asks me. I nod. 

“I did.” I say, giving him a genuine smile. 

“Good.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this! This is my first time posting! It is very exciting for me! I have always wanted to write something like this, and i'm glad i'm finally doing it. I have written 7 chapters already, and I will be posting one every day. 
> 
> Also, on another note, I put a mature rating on this for later chapters, and the violence that will come with it. It's not exactly explicit, but I wanted to be fair. 
> 
> I would enjoy any and all feedback! It would be greatly appreciated!


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